The full Supermoon came & went Sunday night and I woke
up deflated and grumpy Monday morning.
I tried to hide my frustration from the girls, but clearly the full moon
had affected all of us, because they were even grumpier! For the past two
weeks, I had managed to get them up & ready to drop Mariah to Kindergarten
pretty smoothly, for the most part.
But today was different…we were a bunch of very cranky ladies that
day. And one tiny other factor
that was affecting my mood, was a bit of anxious confusion over whether or not
I could possibly be in labour?!?
When I woke up, I realized that I was feeling ‘something’ every now and
then. But once again, the feeling
was so mild that I could barely distinguish whether it was even real. This was how my labour had started with
Mariah – noticing ‘somethings’ happening every few minutes from the time I woke
up…which meant that they had probably been happening while I slept the night
before without being strong enough to wake me (so in this case during the full
SuperMoon!!!).
I refused to call these ‘somethings’ contractions all day,
because I really wasn’t sure…and was not about to jinx it. Even if they were contractions, I know
that early labour contractions can last for days before real labour starts, so
I kept reciting all of this annoying propaganda in my brain, while my heart
began to flutter. Another reason
it was hard to tell was because I was home alone with two angry children,
remember? Ivan had left for work
in the morning, and I didn’t bother texting him because a) he’s a teacher and
he was probably busy teaching b) he’s Ivan and he never checks his phone and c)
in the rare chance he checked his phone, I didn’t want him to get excited
prematurely. So instead of lying
down and paying attention to my body like a first time mom could do, I spent
the morning chasing the other two monkeys around the house. I can’t remember what our ‘arguments’
were about that day, but I do distinctly remember the girls being extra wild. Getting them dressed, brushing their
teeth, doing their hair, putting on shoes – everything was a bigger fight than
usual. They weren’t just being
sassy little girls, they were being mean and rude…and not themselves. My emotions had been pretty stable
during pregnancy, but I got so tired of their nonsense that particular morning,
that I eventually burst into tears and fled the scene. Luckily, these little women are very
sensitive and protective of their mama, so my vulnerability was far more
effective than my anger. They
apologized and immediately shifted into ‘I’ll take care of you‘ mode. After picking our emotions up off the
floor, the 3 of us marched off to Mariah’s school, after which Kassiah & I
took our usual 60 minute power nap before it was time to pick Mariah up again. Before heading out (at 2:35pm), I
texted a good friend to let her know that I was feeling ‘somethings’ all
day…since my confidence was up to about 50% that I was in early labour. The weather was beautiful, and the
calmness of the 5 minute drive was enough to help me acknowledge that I was in
early labour…woohoo! So I did what
any preggo, well trained by midwives and doulas would do, went about my day as
if it were any other. I played
with the girls at the school park for a while. And when a mom friend asked her usual question of how I was
feeling today, I whispered “ummm…I think I may be in early labour…so if all
goes well, you won’t see me tomorrow!”.
Oh, and then, finally, at about 3:15 I called Ivan after his school
ended to calmly say “Hey bud…you may want to leave soon cause I think I’m in early
labour : )” I could honestly hear
Ivan smile while he agreed not to freak out…right before we hung up and I’m
sure he ran around his classroom like a chicken with his head cut off trying to
finish preparing for his month of parental leave. I watched the girls keep playing in the park for another 20
minutes and then texted my doula & midwife to give them a heads up that I
had been having mild contractions about every 10-15 minutes all day. Just saying the words aloud…and typing
them into my phone was enough to give me a rush of excitement and
happiness. I knew in my heart that
this baby was coming…my prediction was ‘tonight’, since both girls were born in
the middle of the night (one more time here, can we say lunar forces?!?’)
We pulled into the driveway at the same time as Ivan. He asked me if I was ‘for
real’ and I told him ‘I think so!’…but reminded him the usual disclaimer – that
technically early labour can last days.
I told him I wanted to go for a walk, to keep my labour moving…so off we
all went. He asked if I wanted the
stroller to lean on, and my first reaction was ‘no! I’m fine’…but then I agreed it may be useful ‘just
incase’. Sure enough, the
leisurely yet somewhat brisk walk & fresh air worked their magic
quickly. When the walk began, my
contractions were noticeable but not painful (comparable to menstrual
cramps). They lasted about 45
seconds and were about 15 minutes apart, on average. Halfway through the walk, we stopped at a new ‘Freshi’ restaurant
and had a healthy labour-friendly dinner, of wraps & soup. Then, as if I needed another sign that
the stars were aligning: the owners brought me, I mean the girls, free frozen
yogurt with all the fixins...yum! On the way home, we
stopped at our favourite park, filled with gigantic natural stones, which are
ironically just tiny pieces of our amazing nearby mountains. Whenever I take a moment to gaze at the
incredible Rockies on our horizon, I’m always met with a sense of
calmness. Maybe it’s the fact that
those majestic pieces of nature remind you that you’re just a spec in this
Earth, yet an important part of it at the same time. Somehow, walking across those rocks seems to give me that same calming and humbling effect, as I breathed and reflected on the amazing things happening within me and how it was about to become even more of a spiritual journey. All of those wonderful pieces of ‘just
a walk’ combined to help my contractions start to shift into a stronger
discomfort. I got a bit of relief
when I paused and leaned on the stroller bar (okay, so maybe Ivan is right occasionally : ) By around
6:30pm, they were around 10 minutes apart, lasting 45-60 seconds…I was getting there!
We came home and started the girls’ evening routine, only
instead of reading stories after bathtime, they packed their little sleepover
bags. Around 8:30, Ivan dropped the girls at their babysitter’s house as per the plan I had pre-arranged months in advance. Meanwhile, I started baking banana
bread in between my intensifying contractions (that I was now leaning over our gorgeous new kitchen island for). I had recently read about
the tradition of baking during labour, in Amy McKay’s “Birth House”. Apparently, it has multiple natural benefits
including keeping mama distracted, having the sweet smell aid in relaxation
during active labour, and of course, creating a delicious treat to enjoy as a
reward for the hard work! I had
been texting my doula and midwife now & then to update them. My 9:30pm text said that things ‘still
aren’t consistent but the last few have been 5, 8, 6, 12 & 7 minutes apart
lasting 45-60 seconds’. My midwife
suggested giving it another hour or two before she and her student, Eileen,
came to assess me. This sounded
like a good plan to me, since I knew I was still in early labour, but was
pretty confident that the transition into active would happen quickly and
without much warning. With my
first two labours, I declined the early labour assessment offer and waited until I
knew I was definitely in active labour before summoning my team. However, timing was a more complicated issue now since I had tested positive for a common bacteria called ‘Group B Strep’ a week earlier. Essentially it’s a
bacteria that cycles in & out of dormancy in most women and is not a big
health concern. However, there is
a risk (1/200, I believe) of passing it to your newborn during childbirth,
which can be significantly reduced if mom receives a quick dose of antibiotics via I.V. during
active labour. Now, the tricky
part is that the antibiotics are ideally administered about 4 hours before
delivery + during active labour – which for me I knew was an oxymoron! My active labour with
Mariah was 3 hours, with Kassiah was 1.5 hours, so this time I knew the window
was small and my brain was working hard to try and figure out when that crucial
transition into active labour might begin...but that part is virtually impossible to predict.
Since, I figured I was at least 'on track' to likely enter active at some point that night, I called my midwife and doula (around 10pm) to let them know I was pretty confident things were progressing well, and
negotiated an arrival time of about 11-11:30pm. Then I did what any normal woman in labour would do: I put on my cutest preggo maxi dress and maybe even some
makeup, to pretend I was gonna have a baby Kardashian style. Finally, I remembered that there probably
wouldn’t be time for the most effective natural induction method later…so I summoned Ivan for (mom – close your eyes) a quickie.
Around 11:15 p.m., my doula and midwives arrived to find me
far too chipper for their liking : )
I suppose our recent contact had been interpreted as ‘she thinks she’s
getting there…hopefully she’ll be in active labour by the time we arrive’. So they all looked at me a bit confused
when they saw that I was clearly not there yet. They were still all their lovely selves who went along with
the charade of assessing me even though we all already knew the answer: I was only
1 cm dilated (which Theresa stretched to 2cm with my permission. This ‘stretch & sweep’ of the
cervix is yet another natural induction method…not very comfortable, and it can
sometimes prolong early labour…I had planned to decline it this time around. But in my defense Theresa asked my opinion when my
reasoning abilities were compromised and I think I said ‘sure’ which really meant
‘well, since you’re all up in my grill already…you might as well try’ ; ) The awkward tension began to grow since
I could read their body language and hear their internal dialogue saying: ‘is
this the same Holly we know? The 3rd
time natural birthing pro who knows her stuff?’. This triggered my social anxiety as I
became aware of the unfolding dynamic, and I even apologized for paging too
early (which of course was met with lovely midwife talk reassurance that ‘we’d
rather you page early than late’).
In retrospect, I realized that I hadn’t properly
communicated what I had already known in my head: I was still, very certainly
in early labour. These well
trained women all knew that by looking at me: I came downstairs to greet them, I was smiling, I made eye contact, I was dressed (cutely, remember?) and most importantly, I was able to manage the pain of contractions with breathing and careful posturing. So even before they could give me the
‘honey, you’re not quite there yet’ speech, I felt fully aware of the same…but
I was also confident (or at least I had been) that I was going to get there soon. In fact, I still believe that had I
continued my efforts to move labour along with the usual tricks I had been integrating into the day (taking a bath, climbing stairs, squatting, walking, relaxing), Isaiah may have arrived
within the next few hours. But I
could feel my brain turning back on at that point and knowing that the small
bits of anxiety creeping into me were about to slow things back down…
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