Bana's house

When I had started searching for Kassiah’s dayhome, one of my main questions was ‘will you be the only one taking care of my child?’ (with the hope that the answer would be ‘yes’).  As a parent who happens to be a social worker, my biggest fear about dayhomes is that it involves my child receiving care ‘behind closed doors’ and one of the risks is that there could be friends or family members in the home who I wouldn’t want around my child.  Sure enough, when I first met Shabana (or “Bana” as the kids affectionately call her), she initially laughed when I asked if her family helps with the dayhome, explaining that her husband works full-time and her kids are young adults who have busy lives of their own.  At that time, the answer came as quite a relief to me, since I didn’t know much about them and was happy to leave it at that.  However, as the months have passed, Bana and I have both proved ourselves wrong!

At first, I noticed that Bana’s husband seemed to get pretty excited if he made it home from work before Kassiah had left – offering her a gentle wave and sometimes an Indian sweet or a cookie in exchange for a smile.  Some days when I rang the doorbell expecting to see Bana, her daughter Sarah would emerge instead with Kassiah happily in her arms.  Bana assured me that Kassiah and Sarah were becoming ‘best friends’.  I thought that was pretty sweet, but can’t say I was too surprised since I like to think our ‘Chubz’ is ridiculously cute and Sarah seems drawn to kids.  But the next step did surprise me a bit: eventually even Bana’s grown son, Bilal, became one of Kassiah’s many ‘best-friends’.  Bilal has been home a lot lately, and I think all of his time around Kassiah has made him quite fond of her…and vice versa.  And lastly – Bana’s sister has been in town for a couple of months…and sure enough…guess who became Kassiah’s latest ‘best-friend’?  She loves our little Kassiah so very much that she even sewed her a beautiful dress for her Christmas gift.  It's a beautiful pink and white lace dress with each detail sewn in with the same love that the family gives our little Kassiah each day.

It really seems too good to be true, that Bana’s dayhome happens to literally be ‘around the corner’ from us.  And to top it all off, Bana is not only from Karachi, Pakistan – where Ivan’s and my parents grew up…but even from the same ‘Hussain-D’Silva town’.  This means that Kassiah gets to enjoy the luxury of some Pakistani cooking sometimes – like ‘Kichari’ (dal & rice) for lunch with a doggy bag saved for dinner…or homemade paratha for breakfast.  And yet another reason why I love Bana’s dayhome is that, unlike most dayhomes, she is not filled to the brim with kids.  Regulated dayhomes are allowed 6 full-time kids total and Bana currently has 2 part-time girls and 2 part-time boys in addition to Kassiah.  Thursdays are her ‘full-house’ days when all the kids are there…but otherwise she usually has three, which makes it more manageable for her, and more suitable for an affectionate baby like Kassiah who loves her time with Bana.  On Wednesdays – Kassiah even gets VIP treatment from Bana and the whole family since she is the only one there!  I once called to let Bana know Kassiah was sick on a Wednesday, thinking she would be relieved for a rare, but well-deserved, day off – but she actually sounded disappointed like she and her family were going to miss her : )

I must say that this process of having Kassiah truly become part of Bana’s family has been a wonderfully pleasant surprise.  Ivan and I don’t have to deal with the additional stress of having to worry what Kassiah’s days are like – since we are sure they are filled with love and good care.  When I give Bana’s family some small Christmas gifts as a thank you for everything they do, I’ll also share a copy of this blog so they know just how much we appreciate what they do for Kassiah each day.  And I have a feeling that even when Kassiah outgrows her dayhome and transitions into school in a few years, we will still make the short trip around the corner to visit her second family!

Morning Madness

Hands down, the hardest part of going back to work has been the process of learning how to get our entire family ready and off to our respective work/school/daycare each morning.  As a dose of reality for those single readers who complain about how tired they are each morning (poor you), just wanted to share a typical day in our home…

Disclaimer: The following description involves excessive use of bribery and negotiating, which I do not endorse as appropriate for dealing with a toddler.  However, in the morning, my parenting style tends to switch into survival mode. 

6am – Ivan & I wake up.  He gets showered and ready double time and I do the basics…if I’m lucky – hit the can, brush my teeth, tie my bedhead into a pony tail and perhaps switch from pajamas into sweats.

6:30am – Ivan wakes Kassiah up and gets her dressed.  I open Rya’s door, and prevent a meltdown by allowing her to wake up on her own with the bit of light and noise that seeps into her room over the next few minutes.  I head down to the couch with Chubz, who says ‘this’ while she points to my boob and grabs it out of my shirt if I haven’t already done so.  While she nurses, I brush her hair and stick a couple of pig tails in it.

6:45am – Ivan bolts out the door, usually forgetting his lunch and/or cell

phone, to make his daily 45 minute commute to the other end of town (which as Torontonians we would have scoffed at, but as Calgarians – that’s quite a trek).  Usually Rya wakes up around this time, so Chubz and I go upstairs to get her and I walk back down with one in each arm.  I plop them both on the couch and put on some good old Sesame Street.  I gently warn Rya that we need to get ready for school soon and she stalls by saying something like ‘just a minute, I need to watch t.v. first’.  I negotiate with her to avoid another meltdown.

6:46am – Rya says ‘pee-pee’ so I take both girls to the bathroom and sit Rya on the pot where she simultaneously pees and asks for a treat, like a well-trained dog.  I hand her a fruit snack and she says ‘and one for my sister’ – so I hand her another and Chubz is very grateful.

6:47am – I start changing Rya’s clothes and she stalls by saying something like ‘just a minute, let me eat my treat first, like quickly, like hurry’. I negotiate to prevent another meltdown and pretend I have control by saying ‘okay, but then you have to get ready nicely’. 

6:49am – I start to change Rya into the clothes I have already laid on the couch the night before, while she squirms and complains they’re itchy.  Then, I give Rya her asthma puffers, get her to gargle, and then brush her teeth.

6:52am – I try to brush Rya’s crazy hair, she yanks her head away saying it hurts so I quickly get the worst knots out and throw it in a pony tail that looks almost as messy as my own.

6:53am - I leave Rya on the couch and take Chubz to the mud room to wrestle on her boots, mitts, hat, and jacket, before heading into the garage to stick her in the car.

6:55am – I return to the couch with Rya’s outerwear, only to be told that she ‘needs’ some random object, like a highlighter or flashlight, from the farthest end of the house.  I tell her no and she starts to lose her mind a little so I drop an F-bomb in my head and search for her object.  I pretend I’m in control by saying ‘Rya, I will get it and then we need to get ready nicely, okay?’

6:56am – I put on Rya’s boots, mitts, hat, and jacket – then she tells me she wants a different coloured set today so I switch them in a desperate attempt to get her out the door. 

6:58 – I come back in the house to collect my own jacket and sanity, before starting the car.

7:00 – drive around the corner to Kassiah’s dayhome and carry her to the door, while dropping at least one of her boots in the snow. 

7:05am – drive a few more minutes down the road to Rya’s daycare, therapizing her on the way about ‘let’s try no crying today’.  I get Rya out of the car and head toward the door, but she insists I let her touch the Christmas tree light before heading inside…and I unenthusiastically oblige – seeing that it represents the light at the end of the tunnel.

7:06am – sit down in a big comfy chair in the lobby with Rya to ‘take a deep breath’ before heading into school.  I help Rya out of her outerwear, into her indoor shoes and hand her off to her teacher.  I give her a thumbs up and she tries to the do the same – but usually uses her pointer finger by accident.

7:08am – I head back to the car, getting dirty looks from the other parents who somehow must have a mysterious hair and makeup team helping them get ready in the morning.

7:13 – tell myself I don’t need Timmy’s today and then find myself driving to Timmy’s.

7:25am - get back home to shower, change, and treat myself to an omelette as a reward for my hard work.

8am – head out for work to ‘start my day’!!!

"I'm in love with a girl, nearly twice my age"...

I recently realized, that when Rya turns 3 this December (which is in itself pretty crazy to think about)…she will be twice her sister’s age for the only time during their lives!  As the song title suggests, Chubz obviously loves her big sister and often copies everything she does – as a younger sibling I can say this phase lasts approximately forever.  But for now Rya usually follows Chubz around a lot more and loves to scold her for any reason she can think of.  By this age, Rya had already developed a very strong personality and was a ‘no nonsense’ type of baby.  For the most part, Chubz is a lot more mild mannered and easy going – but she does occasionally demonstrate her temper, when Rya triggers it.  When Rya snatches Chubz’ toys away on an hourly basis, Chubz screams…walks over to the next nearest object – grabs it with a “ha! I wanted this anyway” type of look, throws it down on the floor for attention…and if she’s really mad, throws herself on her stomach too and stretches up one of her legs while she pretends to cry (which is quite amusing since it looks like a well performed yoga move).  When they’re not busy fighting with each other, here’s what each of them are up to lately:

Rya’s favourite movie this year is ‘The Croods’ – a movie about Cavepeople, from which Rya really relates to the main character, “Ip”.  Ip is a Cave teenager who loves adventure and the outdoors.  In the summer, Rya is usually barefoot in the backyard, climbing on something or other – and the bottoms of her feet look just as dirty as Ip’s do.  Rya has watched the movie so many times that she often pretends she’s a little Cave Woman who hears noises and shouts “quick – hide cave” as she scurries into a closet or dark corner.  Rya has been using complete sentences really well, especially since starting ‘school’ in August and some of her famous recent lines and stories have included:

-“Have you wait, okay mama?” – delaying anything I try to ask her to do like brush her teeth

-“No, I sleepy, wake up my brother” – in the morning when she’d rather sleep in than get ready.  And yes…for some reason she recently started insisting that Kassiah is her ‘brother’!

-Rya apparently has vivid bad dreams and her reports of them in the morning have included a repetitive dream about a boy taking her shirt away, and pushing her out of a tree!  Or the latest nightmare – she awoke shrieking and I later learned she was certain there were ladybugs in her bed, since I had threatened that bugs might come if she brought a granola bar there. 

-Other bedtime quotes have included: “I not kicking you mama, I just lub you” – while digging her feet into my back at bedtime; “I AM TALKING SOFTLY” when I ask her to whisper so her sister doesn’t wake up; and my favourite “no mama, I not sleepy, I just tired”

-Okay, I lied, my real favourite quote happened recently when we were watching a cute documentary called ‘Babies’ and she saw a naked baby boy.              

            “Mommy, he have a thingy…like a dicky”;

            “Yes honey, it’s not a dicky, it’s a penis” (while in my head “seriously, Ivan? Could you not     

            call it something appropriate when she questions yours?”)

            “No mama, it’s a dicky!  I don’t have a dicky”. 

            “Okay, whatever it’s a dicky…nope only boys have dickies, you have a vagina”

            “No!  I only have a peanut!”

As per usual, Chubz’ update will be more concise since she doesn’t seem to do or say too much just yet.  

-Her newest skill is that she has become the mystery bathtub pooper.  It used to be an occasional funny occurrence, but now she does it so often that we all shout ‘Chubz – no! – including Rya who is usually scrambling out from next to her, trying to escape the floater.   

-As many of you who have carried Chubz will know, she can be quite a squirmy wormy…especially when she’s sleepy.  Ivan calls it her forbidden dance – where she sticks her bum in and out while snuggling into your shoulder before she passes out.  

-She may have learned from me to let out a dramatic grunt when she lifts heavy things – but for her this means anything, whether it’s a ball or a piece of paper.  

-And finally, although she doesn’t say too much, her cutest word is ‘this’ – which she says with the cutest little voice and corresponding body language when she points to and begs for my boob.  Yes – she is still breastfeeding against my will at this point, which I promise to blog about soon too. 

Dr. Bumblebee

As some of you may already know, I’ve spent several years trying to find a good family doctor.  I realize that there is a shortage of family doctors in many areas, and that I should probably feel lucky to even have a selection to choose from.  But I think it’s very important to have someone you can trust and feel comfortable with, since most of us will probably need to talk with about some pretty serious physical and mental health issues, at some point. 

Since our move to Calgary, I have probably had about 5 ‘meet and greet’ appointments, which I usually left feeling disappointed and underwhelmed.  I honestly don’t think my standards are too high – the qualities I look for are: good with kids; basic social skills - like eye contact and a smile now and then; a good understanding of post partum; and sensitivity to mental health issues.  Needless to say, most of the doctors I met were lacking in one if not all of these categories.  I had actually given up my search and decided that my ideal doctor didn’t exist, until he literally walked into our lives…

Ivan and I had taken Rya for a walk-in appointment and in came a doctor with the biggest smile I’d ever seen.  He greeted us  both and then sat down in front of Rya and spent a few minutes admiring her pink boots and asking if they had a pair in his size.  Before placing a hand on her, he made sure to make friends first – getting down to her level to catch her eyes, and showing her his stethoscope and light.  Then he joked that he had lost his bumblebee and asked permission to look in her ears and throat for it.  Rya even thinks his name is Dr. Bumblebee, which I suppose is fair since his real name – Dr. Mkhabela – is a bit harder for her to pronounce : ) Dr. Bumblebee won Rya over that very first day and won Ivan over just as fast with his ‘Eddie Murphy laugh’ as Ivan describes it.

To be honest, I had thought Dr. Mkhabela was too good to be true, so I went back on my own to put him to the test.  I’ve been on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication since my post-partum issues with Mariah, and have been continuously trying to decide whether I should try and wean myself off.  When I brought the concern to Dr. Mkhabela – he was as sensitive and non-judgmental as I could have hoped.  He did not make a decision for me, but engaged me in a discussion about the pro’s and con’s of stopping medication.  Together we decided to hold off until next summer since winter months can be especially tough on a person’s mood.  It was a decision I was comfortable with, after a conversation where I really felt heard and supported. 

Each time we go back, Dr. Mkhabela seems to have this same genuine passion for his work and kindness in his approach.  He is so natural in his skill, yet also seems consistently aware of his words to try and maintain his own personal high standard of care.  In conversations, I’ve noticed him independently correcting himself from saying ‘should’ to presenting options to his patient.  And when he booked an appointment with me to review a ‘plan of action’ for my health concerns (which no other doctor had done), I happened to see him look at his list of questions – silently gazing over the ‘overweight’ section – and I’m pretty sure I heard his wife in his head saying “If you know what’s good for you, you will not ask this new mom about her weight!”, as he discretely skipped over the section. 

I can’t begin to explain how happy Ivan and I are to finally have a family doctor who has gone above and beyond our expectations.  Last time I was there, I asked if he was looking for a bumblebee when he checked my ears, and sure enough I got his hearty ‘Eddie Murphy’ laugh : )  Dr. Mkhabela has joked that he should put bumblebee stickers on the ceiling to distract kids when they are lying for an examination.  So I recently went on a search of my own and managed to find some.  At my next visit, I will hand him a copy of this blog as well as some bumblebee stickers!

My Picky Eater

As karma would have it, our daughter is officially a certified picky eater.  Among my many idiotic pre-parenthood statements, I remember Ivan and I proudly announcing that “we would never become short-order cooks, since our kids would eat whatever we made for dinner or else”.  In some ways, I still hold on the illusion that when our kids are older we might all eat the same meal…but for now Rya has the luxury of two personal chefs on-call 24-7.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re not the type to chase her around with a spoon or even use airplane noises to encourage bites (probably because she’s such a mature two-year old that she would look at us like we were crazy and then spit the food on the floor).  But we have certainly have to make significant efforts to get her to eat even a small variety of reasonably acceptable foods.  When she was a baby, Rya generally ate most things we fed her, but never really seemed to ‘enjoy’ food the way her sister does (like ‘mmmming’ at the sight or taste of anything and everything!).  Rya’s appetite as a toddler has evolved into a hit or miss interest in a few select items, that she eats some days and has no interest in other days.  On a good day, Rya might eat a oatmeal for breakfast, plain pasta for lunch, pizza for dinner…and maybe some raisins and cheese in between.  Since around the time she turned two, she has refused to eat just about any type of fruit or vegetable.  I honestly wonder sometimes how she doesn’t get scurvy from her lack of vitamins!  She’s always been on the lower end of the growth charts, but she’s also always been a very active energetic little girl, so her little body seems to find a way to stay healthy somehow.  We try not to give her much junkfood, aside from the chips and ice cream bars my dad brings everytime he visits (trust me, if that sounds like over-indulgence, it’s actually a compromise since he once took her to the convenience store with a $50 bill and literally let her choose whatever she wanted…and another time gave her a sip of his coffee and didn’t understand what was wrong with that!). 

I recently went to a Picky Eating course for parents and was very underwhelmed by the lack of practical suggestions.  I had to stop myself from laughing when the instructor suggested that the only reason kids like dessert is because adults make a big deal of it…and that if we were to make a big deal of broccoli, they would love that just as much – seriously?!?  Our only source of hope and inspiration have been other parents of picky eaters who validate that it is not easy to feed certain children, and that they still end up turning out okay (aside from often never growing out of their pickiness!).  The funniest comment I’ve heard was one dad joking that he would be happy if his daughter would just eat a half a sandwich every other day. 

Since I’ve come to the realization that there are no magic answers for picky eaters, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and just work on some small creative ideas that might squeeze a few more nutrients and calories into Rya now and then.  So far my successful attempts have included:

·      Buying a juicer and letting Rya help me put fruit into it and drink what she created

·      Using a breadmaker to sneak flax seeds into Rya’s ‘tea and toast’ (I give her milk with a couple drops of coffeemate creamer to dip her toast in and she feels very grown up!)

·      Baking mini carrot muffins with Rya, in which I hid applesauce, wheat germ, and poppy seeds – which she luckily thinks are sprinkles!

·      Hiding pureed sweet potato in Rya’s pancakes (this one I got from Jessica Seinfeld’s ingenious book ‘Deceptively Delicious’)

Fingers crossed, if Rya even continues to eat 20% of my healthy creations I will try to be happy with those small successes!

Rya's back!

Since I’ve received some concerned responses about how Rya is doing at daycare, I thought I’d share a positive update!

As you know, the first couple of weeks were really tough on her (and me!).  Rya's normally such a happy, energetic little girl, so it was really hard for me to see her being sad at school and worried at home each day about the next.  Rya started to give us signs that she was maybe starting to enjoy small parts of her day (singing circle time songs like B-I-N-G-O loudly each evening), but apparently she was good at hiding her voice since the teachers barely knew she could speak.

But low and behold, at the end of her third week, Rya finally started to come out of her delicate little shell.  She bonded with a very nice teacher at school, named Ms. Agnes, who I think is quite fond of Rya too.  Up until this point, Rya had been holding tightly to Ms. Agnes’ hand each day in the playground when I came to pick her up, but by last week she finally started to show a bit of independence.  Some days I would pull up and see her sitting on a bench next to Ms. Agnes, then walking near Ms. Agnes, and now I am happy to say that I pull up and can’t find Rya since she’s finally busy playing with the other kids.  Ms. Agnes has been meeting me at the fence each day with better and better news about Rya’s adjustment.  At first, Ms. Agnes was happy to report that she discovered Rya is a hard little worker who would take the initiative to help her tuck in chairs, erase the board, or clean up the desks.  The next day, Ms. Agnes told me that Rya no longer followed her around, but that Ms. Agnes had to start following Rya around to keep track of her.  Once Ms. Agnes asked me who 'Yaya' is, since in her country Yaya means big sister and Rya always seems to be talking about her (e.g. drawing pictures and saying 'one daddy, one mommy, one baby, one Yaya').  I had to laugh when I told her that Yaya is herself...Rya just can't pronounce her R's as yet : )  She says Rya is learning the routine very quickly and makes sure she follows it to a T.  Rya has learned that I pick her up around 4:30 each day when the class is outside, so she insists on wearing her jacket regardless of the temperature.  One 28 degree day I purposely sent her without one and she took it upon herself to steal a 4 year-old classmate’s sweater, which she wore loosely and threatened to tantrum if I removed it (so I shamefully whispered to Ms. Agnes that I was afraid to challenge Rya but assured her it would return the next day!).  Rya adores Ms. Agnes so much that she can often be found pretending to be her at home.  Sometimes I catch her singing ‘follow me outside’ and walking backwards gesturing her hands toward her, the way Ms. Agnes probably leads the kids to the playground.  I suppose Rya likes her teacher so much, that she’s forgotten about the age difference since yesterday Ms. Agnes told me that Rya calls all the other teachers Ms. So and so, but thinks she’s on a first name basis with ‘Agnes’!

My little pumpkin still struggles with feeling a bit nervous now and then, but I’ve been working hard to incorporate therapy sessions into our daily drives too and from school : )  I’ve gotten her to practice positive self-talk like “mommy will always come get me” and “it’s okay to cry little bit” out loud, to the point that she now states them to me on her own.  She even started normalizing with others, like asking her teacher daddy ‘you get shy at school too?’ and asking a tiny classmate ‘you miss your mommy?’. 

Rya’s adjustment has fit in very nicely with my return back to work from summer holidays.  I started back on Monday and it was the very first day that she walked into the classroom with a smile on her face, rather than the usual clinging and crying.  We even have a ‘secret code’ at the window where I wave goodbye to her and we share a thumbs up to assure each other that everything’s going to be okay : )

An early start to the school year

This week, ‘Mamadee’ as Rya affectionately calls him, went back to work after his parental leave and summer holidays.  I think it was a lot harder for him than it was for me since he feels more comfortable being at home with the kids than I do, and since he’s got quite a tough job as a kindergarten teacher to go back to.  But he loves his day job too and I think we’re all happy to have some more structure and routine back in our lives.

Since I return to work in a couple of weeks too, the girls have already started daycare –which gives us all some cushion time for the transition.  We found a lovely lady down the street with a dayhome, who happens to be from the same ‘back home’ as our parents.  She’s such a great match for our little Chubz who seems to be adjusting quite well to her new friend.  She has a few other children part-time who seem fond of Kassiah and the other two days a week, Kassiah essentially gets a private nanny…and I’m pretty sure she loves the VIP treatment!  Rya has started at a Montessori style daycare, which has been a bit more of a rocky start, as to be expected since toddlers tend to be pretty ‘neo-phobic’ or scared of new things, as I recently learned.  It’s really hard for Rya to say bye to us in the morning and sometimes she even wells up with tears of relief when we pick her up in the afternoon.  I’m told that during the day she does some ‘work’ on her own – like painting & coloring, but isn’t comfortable enough to talk to or play with other kids as yet.  When I pick her up from the playground in the afternoon, she’s usually walking around with a sad little face on, holding hands with the teacher and then runs to the fence trying to break out in desperation when she sees me.  The daycare provides breakfast, lunch, and snacks…but our stubborn little monkey refuses to eat anything they offer her, so I’ve been sending her homemade lunches that she nibbles on a bit.  One positive is that she naps there independently along with all the other little ones on their mats, which is quite interesting since she claims to be incapable of falling asleep at home without me lying next to her ; )  It’s pretty heartbreaking to hand her off each day, especially since she doesn’t seem to be comfortable enough to let her true self shine at school just yet.  But her teachers assure me that Rya seems to be gradually becoming more engaged each day and I’m sure once she’s settled she’ll start to love it.  Probably the main reason I’m having a hard time with the transition is that I can completely relate to the nervous little daughter I’ve created.  I usually spend the first few weeks, or sometimes months, of a new job with knots in my stomach, staying pretty quiet until I get my bearings.  But after that my personality returns and I’m sure hers will too, especially since she’s got such a strong charismatic one!

And incase you put two and two together wondered what the heck I’m doing at home alone for two weeks without a husband or kids – it’s an interesting combination between a whole lotta nothing, and a whole lotta everything!  I imagined my two weeks off as me lounging on the deck with an iced tea and a nice book…so far that hasn’t quite happened as yet.  I’ve spent most of my first week catching up on some errands and housework, but even those tasks have had a calming feel to them since I can do them at my pace and without having to chase after rugrats in between.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve certainly squeezed in a couple of long naps, and possibly some trash t.v…but my goal is to schedule in some serious self-care next week like maybe a spa day and some kayaking at the lake.

1 Year Old Kassiah

Well, it’s official – our little baby isn’t so little anymore…Kassiah turned 1 year old last week!  It almost caught us off guard since she is much more of a ‘baby’ than Rya was at 1 year.  By now Rya had a handful of small words and even started walking on her 1st birthday.  Kassiah on the other hand…she likes to take her time.  She’s got quite a bit of weight to carry around and it seems like that’s easier to do horizontally than vertically, so she avoids taking steps at all costs.  We had started to think she was saying ‘dada’ and ‘Rya’ a couple of months ago, but now wonder if it was just babbling since she can’t seem to produce them anymore.  Instead she has one multi-purpose word that she uses all day long: ‘hi’!  When a person walks into the room, ‘hi’, when she wants something ‘hi’, in response to questions ‘hi’…not much of a vocabulary, but she seems quite proud of herself.  She says it in such a cute high voice, and sometimes in close repetition, that it’s hard not to laugh at her strong effort.  To compensate, Kassiah also seems to be inventing her own sign language (as the second born, she did not have the privilege of attending signing classes like her sister!)…for ‘all done’ she brings her sausage arms up to her head and uses her hands to cover her ears. 

1 year later also means the end of our shared parental leave.  I was home for the first 6 months and Ivan has been home for these last 6 months.  Like any normal stay-at-home parent, I think he had a bit of a love-hate relationship with it.  He brought lots of his kindergarten teaching skills into our home with ‘centers’ and homemade games for the girls to play with.  Some days the three of them stayed in their p.j.’s all day, other days he ventured with them to playgroups (a.k.a. mommy groups).  Rya tested his limits with her picky eating and baby with her clinginess, but in the end, the 3 of them have developed a pretty amazing bond.  Some days I would come home to find them all piled on top of each other napping!  Rya, especially, has become much more of a daddy’s girl, often preferring Ivan over mommy when she’s sleepy or has a boo-boo.  The experience has also been important for our relationship, and I would highly recommend it to other brave couples.  We each got a turn to walk in the other person’s shoes and have had some interesting gender norm challenging arguments. 

Thanks to my impeccable pregnancy timing, we now get to enjoy a family summer vacation together before Ivan and I head back to work and the girls start daycare.  Fingers crossed that the transition goes smoothly – I’m sure you’ll hear about it either way!

Through Her Eyes

Since Rya’s usually busy harassing her sister or having a tantrum, I feel like she sometimes gets a bad rap for being ‘the bad one’.  But then I remember that she’s two!...and that she was just as sweet as Kassiah when she was her age.  We still try to balance our attention between the two and make sure Rya always feels included, but I’m sure there are times when she gets irritated at how much we talk about baby’s cuteness (which we can’t help, cause Chubz really is too darn cute).   Since Kassiah is usually at the receiving end of the bullying, I tend to ‘take her side’ and get upset with Rya often.  But I recently thought of an analogy that kind of helps me empathize with her a bit more:

I suppose in Rya’s mind, she is, was, and forever will be mine & Ivan’s baby – it’s a vital part of her identity.  Just like I’m the wife/mom and Ivan’s the husband/dad.  So when little #2 showed up one day, that just totally threw a wrench in Rya’s understanding of the world around her.  Us adults try to use logic to reassure her that we still love her and that she’s still important, but almost a year later, she’s still adjusting to a major life change.  So to take a look through her eyes, I guess this would almost be like if I came home from work one day and Ivan introduced me to his new wife!!!  To add insult to injury, she just happens to be younger and arguably cuter than me.  Ivan might assure me that I will always be his wife and he will always love me, but I would still be pretty crushed.  He would sit me down and explain to me that as the ‘older wife’ I would need to move into my own room so that he could share a bed with the ‘new wife’.  She would start doing the chores that I had done for years, but all of a sudden they would be good enough for waves of positive reinforcement: “Wow, new wife – you folded my shirts so well” “Great job, new wife, this meal is amazing!”.  Now even if this lady happened to be a lovely person, I would probably take every chance I could get to elbow her in the hallway or maybe even knock her down a stair or two.  According to Big Love, I may start to become fond of her eventually – we might have chats over coffee or go shopping together…but it would take a very long time to get there.  I know it’s a bit extreme – but this idea really helped me understand Mariah’s perspective a bit better ; )

Currently, that little monkey is in her bed with a bit of a tummy bug.  It’s the first time she’s been able to say ‘my tummy hurts’, but she doesn’t quite understand the cause and effect part.  Usually when she gets a boo-boo it’s because she’s fallen down on rocks or something so she keeps trying to figure out who or what made her tummy hurt.  We had gone to a restaurant for lunch so afterward she told me ‘the lady pinched me’ – I’m guessing she crafted an image in her mind of the waitress squishing her tummy enough to turn it into a boo-boo.  I’d better go check on her, so hope you all enjoy this read : )

This house is now a home

Just 3 weeks after our move, I am glad to say that our house is already starting to feel like a home.  It was a bit rocky at first, but we’re all feeling very settled now.  I tried hard to explain the move to Rya before it happened, but it’s pretty difficult to be logical with a two year-old.  When we were still doing trips back and forth between houses, I said to Rya “this is our old house and tomorrow we’re going to our new house”.  Her insightful response was “mama, this no house, this home”.  Up until that point, I guess I had always referred to our home as just that – and so Rya literally and figuratively thought that it couldn’t be anything other than her home.  For the first few days after the move, every time we pulled up in the driveway and announced “we’re home”, Rya would declare from the backseat: “no, not this one”.  Sometimes she would complain “it’s too big” (not because it is, but because that’s the only description she could think of to differentiate the houses…just like she calls any food she doesn’t like ‘too spicy’ and says ‘brrr, too cold’ when she doesn’t want to go outside...even in 25 degree weather!). 

Once we managed to convince Rya that this home was the best place for us, Ivan and I had to test our own decision as well.  One of the main reasons we decided to move was because our research suggested that it would be several years before our previous community, Copperfield, would ever get a school.  And then…on our closing date…we heard the announcement on the radio that the provincial budget allocated funds for several new schools in Calgary including one right down the street from our ‘old house’.  Ivan spent the evening slapping his forehead and I spent the evening trying to convince him that it was still the right decision, even though I was wondering if I was telling the truth.  But after letting the information soak in for a few days, we quickly remembered the many other reasons we had wanted to move.  Our new location really suits us well.  So far we’ve gone for short evening walks to the pool, for dinner, for ice cream…and of course to Calgary’s newest Target store.  We’ve also managed to find a family doctor, a Montessori school for Rya, and a dayhome for baby – all close to home.  And probably the nicest bonus, is a close walk to the community lake, which is actually a lot nicer than I had even imagined.  I’ve always found water to be calming, and it’s nice to know that the girls can always have that option nearby.  The house itself is really cozy and practical.  The finished basement is a nice place to leave messy for the babies, and even has a mini-sized playroom that Ivan has essentially transformed into a classroom.  I definitely miss the shiny-ness that can only come with a brand new house.  But when I join Ivan’s vivid daydreams of what our fixer upper will look like after a few renovations, I fall in love with it even more.

All in all, we’re really happy with our ‘new old’ home, and are moving through the stages of grief for the new old house we left ; )

On the move...

As some of you may already know – today was moving day for us!  Ivan & I made a somewhat impulsive, yet well researched decision to move this year…and it ended up happening faster than expected.  In December we started thinking about finishing the basement to add a guestspace since Rya decided the double bed we had intended for guests is actually hers.  By December we realized it would probably cost more to finish the basement than a new downpayment so we told ourselves we would ‘just look’ this year and maybe move next year.  By February I convinced Ivan that interest rates are too good to pass up so when we found a house we loved in March, we went for it.  We quickly organized and staged our house and must’ve done a good job since it sold on the first day on the market (which Ivan was very relieved about since he had to coordinate a carpet cleaning appointment with 3 showings and 2 babies!).  Our adrenalyn helped us to pack up within our 30 day move and today it finally became real.  Ivan & I loaded & unloaded a truck with all the boxes we could squeeze in and are getting some friends to help with the heavy stuff tomorrow…plus of course babysitters to help the process go smoother. 

I definitely have some mixed feelings about our move since our house has been so special to us.  I literally had my babies in this house (which I did not advertise on MLS), and Ivan and I transformed from a couple into parents here.  This house was brand new so we’ve enjoyed the luxury of low maintenance and more space than we need.  Don’t get me wrong – I love my walk-in closet and soaker tub…but we re-evaluated our wishlist and realized that those have fallen lower on our priority list.  Our new area also means we don’t yet have a school and although we could wait a couple more years, it isn’t looking promising.  Our current neighborhood is quiet, but that’s also because it’s not exactly near anything.  The neighborhood we’re moving to is called ‘Sundance’, which reminds us a bit more of ‘home’ in Toronto.  Our house is a 15 minute walk to everything from the train station to shopping to a YMCA.  It’s one of Calgary’s lake communities so we can take the kids for a dip and even canoeing or paddleboating in the summer!  And it has all 3 levels of schools so our girls won’t have to wake up early for long bus rides.  Since it’s a more established community, the house we bought is older and a bit smaller – but we’re actually happy about that since it seems to have more practical space than we have now.  The basement is finished with a guestroom and even has a tiny little playroom that will be a perfect hideout for the kiddies.  It’s a split-level style of house, which I’ve always really wanted for the cozy factor.  Ivan’s going to miss his garden, but the new yard has a large deck we love and the the house has a wood burning fireplace, which he’s always wanted.  All in all, the few things we’ll miss are small compared to the many things we love about our new home and neighborhood. 

So off I go to bed for the last time in Copperfield…and fingers crossed that Rya adjusts to her new home as quickly as we do. 

Mrs. Dubbies

Since I apparently forgot to share any new updates on baby in my last post, I will catch up with a blog entirely about her.  First off, we are still finding it nearly impossible to call her by her name, so poor little Kassiah is usually referred to as Chubbz, Chubbies, Chubba-Doosky, or Chubby Dubbies.  My mom keeps reminding me that we’d better stop before she understands and gets offended, so the best we can do is call her ‘Mrs. Dubbies’ as a code word : )

Mrs. Dubbies is 9 months old today!  Whereas I didn’t really feel the ‘time flies’ syndrome so much with Rya, it is totally true with Mrs. Dubbies.  I guess since it’s harder to stop and enjoy the little moments when you have two, Mrs. Dubbies seems to be growing up overnight.  She still sleeps in my bed (which I have to admit, I’m far more addicted to than she is) and it never fails that in my sleepy daze I wonder why Mariah is still breastfeeding since Mrs. Dubbies is so big that she can’t possibly be my ‘baby’.  Lucky for us her cuddliness persists throughout the day as well.  Some babies push you away when you lean in for a hug or kiss…but not Mrs. Dubbies.  She leans right back in and usually ends up with her face hiding in the crevice of your neck.  As the name suggests, Mrs. Dubbies continues to have rolls upon rolls of places to kiss and she usually shrieks and then giggles when you do.  Her other noises include ‘ba-ba-ba’s (which she does extras of when she sees a phone), ‘aaaah’ (which daddy taught her to do when he pours warm water on her back at bath time), and care of her older sister’s annoying habit: ‘eh-eh-eh’, when she wants something out of reach.  Sometimes Mrs. Dubbies combines her ba-ba’s with the action of banging her face against the couch cushions when she pulls herself up to a stand.  And she learned ‘the hard way’ that it’s not a good idea to try this on the bathtub or the dining table!

Mrs. Dubbies’ has a love-hate relationship with her big sister.  She has mostly learned to avoid her since Rya loves to push, kick & bite for no other reason than jealousy and because she can.  But when the two of them are sitting down quietly together, it’s usually because Rya’s feeding Mrs. Dubbies some fries or nuggets, which Mrs. Dubbies is smarter enough to enjoy in silence.  Mrs. Dubbies is slowly starting to experiment with crawling and independence.  She seems more content at night after Rya’s bedtime since she knows she can roam around without any threats nearby.  But their (and Ivan’s) favourite time of day is laying them both down in bed together when they first wake up in the morning.  Sometimes Rya plays with Mrs. Dubbies hair and they chat away together for several minutes until one gets tired of the girl time.  It’s such a nice image of the future – can’t wait to watch our girls turn into bff’s!

Fun in the Sun

Nearly 5 years after our destination wedding, Ivan and I decided it was finally about time for another hot getaway.  The four of us just returned from a week in Florida together, visiting ‘Oma & Papa’ (Ivan’s dad & stepmom).  We’ve never been away during the winter before, so it almost felt like we were cheating nature to escape the snow and trade it in for palm trees. 

Since Mariah recently turned two, it was her first time needing her own seat on the plane.  We thought this might make life easier since she usually enjoys feeling like a big girl.  But one thing she likes more than independence is being a rebel – so she was not very happy with the flight attendants who insisted that she sit down with her seatbelt on.  Ivan and I wised up on the flight back – we left at bedtime, and had plenty of lollipops, coloring books, and a handy little blanket that just happened to cover the area where Mariah’s seatbelt may or may not have been buckled. 

But all the heartache of flying was well worth the excitement of the trip.  Oma & Papa have a winter home right on a canal, so each morning we awoke to a sunny sky overlooking the calm water.  Rya fell right into place since she has thoroughly been missing fresh air and outdoor activities.  She would run outside in her pajamas each day to talk to the dogs and sort rocks.  Some days we fished off the dock or hopped onto the pontoon boat for a quick ride down the canal.  We had a good balance of small sightseeing and shopping trips, and made pit stops at some great restaurants.  But best of all was the beach, which had lots in store for everyone.  Ivan and his dad smiled from ear to ear as they flew the kites they had spent the first couple of days making together.  Oma and her little bff snuggled and enjoyed long walks on the beach together.  Rya spent hours playing in the sand as I laid down next to her enjoying the sun.  And every now and then we all gave in to the temptation of the crashing waves, for a quick dip.  It was nice to see the girls spending quality time with their grandparents, and of course, it was an added bonus to have babysitters on hand so that Ivan and I could squeeze in some rest too : )

Papa G & Kassiah

Oma and her pal

Life These Days

Lots to catch up on…where shall I start?  Well I went ‘back to work’ in mid-December, and switched off with Ivan who is now at home on parental leave.  The change was welcomed by us both since Ivan is really glad to have more quality time with the girls, and I am a much happier person when my life involves routine, structure, and adult-contact.  For the most part, the girls are adjusting really well too.  Rya has quickly made the pendulum swing back from being mommy’s bff to being a daddy’s girl.  And Chubbies--I mean Tubbies--I mean Kassiah doesn’t seem too concerned that I’m gone during the day.  She has however, declared a bit of a hunger strike since she completely refuses any type of liquid in a bottle.  But luckily she started solids soon after I returned to work, so she just holds out without a fuss until I return and then quenches her thirst throughout the evening and night.  Luckily, I haven’t experienced any embarrassing ‘leaks’ as yet at work.  But I swear, as soon as baby even crosses my mind, my boobs start to tingle and I have to tell them to stop!  (TMI, but at least my co-workers who read this will understand if they see me having a conversation with my chest).

Incase you guessed it, this also means that Kassiah’s not quite sleep trained.  We’ve put a bit of an inconsistent effort into crib training her, and she had gotten down to about 1 waking per night.  But since I don’t mind the extra cuddle time with her, and since I find it easier than getting out of bed in a daze – I’ve granted her another 2 month extension on her co-sleeping privileges before re-assessing : )

Kassiah is now 7 months old.  She had a slow start to crawling last month and is still working on her technique, but she’s definitely mobile.  She recently started ‘bababa-ing’, sometimes even on command if one of us say it.  Her hair is getting pretty long, so Ivan usually gives her a fountain pony tail in the front or 2 little pig tails on either side, so that she can see what’s in front of her.  Kassiah’s started to try and pull herself up lately, but doesn’t know quite what to do once she’s there so she usually just looks fearful and then collapses.  Like many others, I’ve learned that it’s a bit of a curse to have a smart first child since it makes you look at the second one like ‘what’s wrong with this kid?’.  By now, Mariah was crawling at full speed and even doing the stairs.  But then again, she didn’t have much weight to carry around whereas Kassiah…umm…does.

Mariah is stringing words together into small cute phrases and sentences.  When she wants me to pass Kassiah to Ivan, she says ‘Carry-you baby, daddy’.  When she’s trying to stop one of us from heading out the door, she screams ‘Wait!  Mommy/Daddy…don’t do it!’ (which is why I usually sneak out before she wakes up in the morning).  One day, when I asked her to eat dinner, she told me ‘You wish’ with a sneaky look in her face.  I don’t think she had any idea what it meant, but she knew it was bad and that’s all that mattered.  We later realized she got it from a scene in her latest favourite movie, Iceage (or should I say ‘movies’ since she watches parts 1-4 regularly).  Rya is still a feisty little creature who occasionally talks i.e. yells back at us.  If she’s done something rude and we tell her so, she often growls back ‘no wude’ and if I then say excuse me, she growls ‘no coo-me!’.  I was starting to tell Ivan it was getting out of hand when she yelled ‘let go’ in response to him trying to playfight with her.  But, as usual, he reminded me that it’s such a rare & important skill for young girls to stand up for themselves and set boundaries.  So we’ll continue to keep her in line when we can, but not worry too much when her personality matches her wild hair. 

When I tell other women that my husband is at home with the kids, they usually look at me with confusion and horror as they process what would happen if their husband stayed at home.  But I just smile and tell them ‘my husband’s a kindergarten teacher’ (the way someone would say in a movie – ‘don’t worry, he's a cop’) and then a look of understanding washes over them.  Ivan has transformed our basement into a mini-classroom with sensory bins, a playhouse, a toy kitchen…and even gets Mariah to do painting and crafts that make me uneasy just thinking about the mess.  He truly loves being a teacher and a dad, and it’s so amazing to see him enjoy doing both.  The babies may not get out of their pajamas some days…but they’re fed, they’re happy, and they’ve spent the day engaging in a world of fun that only their daddy could create.