Here I am with just a few weeks left to go (give or take)
before baby #3 arrives. I finished
work yesterday and am feeling very ready to put my feet up, in between chasing
kids. I was still feeling pretty
good up until recently, and tried to tell myself I would ‘enjoy’ the remainder
of this last pregnancy without wishing for it to be done. But I guess I had forgotten how
uncomfortable and exhausting the final stretch can be. I still consider myself among the lucky
preggo’s – I don’t have swollen hands or feet; nausea ended a long time ago;
I’m told by shocked women around me that I generally look pretty happy and
content. But I definitely still
have a constantly evolving list of complaints: I get dizzy when I stand for too
long; my back aches in the evening and feels like it’s going to fall apart when
I attempt to toss & turn at night; and baby’s head is pushing down so low
that I kinda wish I could wear a Mumu 24-7. The logical part of my brain is thankful my babies are not
premature and are in the correct birthing position…but the emotional part of my
brain doesn’t give a $#!* and misses feeling like a ‘normal’ human being.
When I’m not consumed with all these current issues, my
thoughts start to wander to the exciting and chaotic life that awaits, around
the corner. We are all getting
very anxious to meet our sweet little Isaiah and I’m sure we will all love him
to pieces. But I’m also trying to
mentally prepare, as best I can, for all the wild and crazy elements of life
with a newborn (and in this case + two other kiddos). I figure my post-partum self may need a pep talk from the
person who knows her best, so here goes an extended note to self:
Dear Me,
By the time you read this, you will have already met and
fallen in love with your little boy – how exciting?!? I hope that your labour and homebirth
were as positive as the first two experiences. Sorry that Ivan wasn’t able to finish renovating the ensuite
in time – hopefully the birthing pool worked out well instead. Did the Doula’s help him know exactly
what to do and say to be supportive?
Did the midwife follow through on her promise to let him help ‘catch’
the baby? If it was anything like
the first two, I’m sure things went smoothly and the scary painful part didn’t
last too long.
Despite having your amazing new baby to bring you love, I’m
sure you are also going through some rough moments that come part and parcel
with a having newborn. You may catch yourself asking “what was I
thinking?”, “why did I ever listen to Ivan’s rationale for wanting a third?”,
“how am I ever going to manage all of this?”. You will probably
find yourself wishing you could rewind to a time where you felt more sane and
in control. You will definitely have moments when you
are so irritable that the slightest thing Ivan or the kids do, will cause you
to burst into tears and feel miserable for a little while. Given all the insanity you are dealing
with right now, I thought you would appreciate some words of advice and a few small gifts…
On Ivan:
Yes – he has always snored; he has always mumbled; he has
always chewed his food too loudly for your liking. Those things are just a tad more noticeable and irritating
now because you are feeling sensitive, and let’s face it: ‘hormonal’. Try to remember that despite being the
handy, kindergarten teaching, SuperDad that many wives envy – Ivan is still a
man, and therefore will still drive you crazy. He will continue to ask you what time appointments are three
times before checking the calendar; he will lose his keys and wallet several
times per day; and he will spend hours in the garage if you give him permission to go tinker for ‘a couple of minutes’.
As Hal once admitted on ‘Malcolm in the Middle’, all a husband can
really offer you is his full obedience.
Ivan will never decipher from your body language or subtle hints that
you are hungry, tired or in need of a break from the kids. But if you tell him these things in
clear sentences, along with specific instructions on how to help (no more than 2 steps at a time, of course), he will do his best to make you happy.
On Mariah:
Your darling girl has probably become even more of a little
mother hen. She will be helpful in
many ways, and unhelpful in many ways, but try to keep thanking her for her
efforts – she means well and takes pride in being useful.
On Kassiah:
Diggs will probably be following her sister’s lead in trying
to do all the things for Isaiah that she is barely capable of doing for
herself. At some moments she will
love him to bits, and at others she will be an angry little ball of jealousy. Try to squeeze in some extra hugs and
kisses with her as she adjusts out of her role as the baby.
On You:
You are an amazing mom! You may not feel like it, at times, but this is one gig you
are truly good at…and you need to remind yourself of that. Be proud of the happy moments you
create with the kids instead of feeling guilty about the few when you lose
patience with them. Try to
congratulate yourself for the three chores you get done in a week rather than
kicking yourself for the seven you didn’t get to. When you feel frazzled and embarrassed for dropping Mariah
to school late, remind yourself that her Kindergarten attendance won't count toward university…and that it’s a
miracle you got yourself and three kids dressed and out the door. When tears are rolling down your cheek
‘for no reason’, remind yourself they will pass and that it’s normal to feel
upset given the physical and emotional roller coaster you are on. Remember to tell Ivan when you need an
hour by yourself – and use it for yourself…take a bubble bath, read a book, squeeze
in a blog! Your sleep deprivation plays
a big role on your mood. Baby will
start to give you longer stretches soon; in the meantime be sure to nap when
the kids are napping instead of trying to ‘catch up’ on the never ending pile
of laundry. Make sure you eat and
drink regularly so you have the energy to keep the kids well taken care of
too. And when you’ve done
everything you can and it’s still not enough – call a good friend who can
validate all of your venting and make you smile.
Some gifts from me to you (i.e. me!):
·
I’ve carefully budgeted your top-up payment from
work to cover a few essentials:
o Ivan
is taking parental leave for the entire first month!
o You
will not cancel your monthly cleaning lady during leave
o Kassiah
still has a drop-in spot at her dayhome – use it!
o I
made and froze a few meals for you to pop in the oven when you’re having a bad
day. When they run out, order
pizza!
I hope all these tips and tricks are enough to keep you
afloat until life feels a bit more manageable again. That day will be here soon, I promise!
