So far, so good

My physical recovery from childbirth has been much easier the second time around.  Both Mariah and Kassiah were born with one hand on their head, which resulted in a small 1^st degree tear.  Both times I was offered stitches and turned that unappealing idea down very quickly.  But since Kassiah was born in water with just a couple minutes of pushing, my body thanked me afterward.  When Mariah was born, I remember feeling swollen and a bit sore ‘down there’ for about a week.  It hurt to laugh and let’s not even talk about post-partum hemorrhoids (you’re welcome).  But this time, I’ve felt none of that.  The only pain I experienced afterward was back and tummy cramps from my uterus contracting back into it’s normal size during the first two days…and of course sore ta-ta’s from re-learning how to breastfeed.  (One very hot day I tried the natural remedy of putting frozen cabbage leaves in my bra and then spent the rest of the day wondering what smelled like farts!)

I had been holding my breath during pregnancy, bracing for the raging hormones that I experienced post-partum with Mariah.  Knock on wood, but so far I’ve had pretty minimal baby blues and have mostly felt like myself.  Just a couple of crying episodes for no valid reason other than sleep deprivation, but nothing like the extreme ups and downs I had after my first delivery.  I’m sure there will still be some low moods to come in the next few months though, so I’m trying to stay mentally prepared for tough days ahead.  I think it’s a combination of factors that’s helped buffer the emotional impact.  Even though my mood had eventually improved after having Mariah, I decided to stay on a low dosage of anti-depressants during pregnancy to help prepare for post-partum.  I also had my placenta encapsulated again and have been taking those regularly to restore the iron and nutrients my body lost.  And overall, I think that just having been through the process before has helped.  Whereas with Mariah I was adjusting to the huge life change of becoming a mother, this time I only have to re-adjust into being a mother of two. 

As for Mariah’s adjustment to becoming a sister – she is doing as well as can be expected for an 18 month-old baby herself.  The morning after Kassiah was born, Mariah arrived home from her sleepover and Ivan and I watched her reaction to discovering her new baby sister.  At first she looked a bit shocked but that quickly transformed into sheer excitement, which really hasn’t tapered off.  Everyday, she gives Kassiah kisses (which sometimes turn into bites) and hugs (that sometimes squeeze a bit too tight) – all because she loves her to bits.  There’s definitely some jealousy there, but more than anything, Mariah has a strong interest in Kassiah and just wants to be involved.  She’s tried to feed her popcorn and bananas, offered to share her milk bottle, and even takes her beloved pacifier out of her own mouth to try and settle her sister.  She’s a bit rough around the edges right now, but Mariah seems to be slowly transitioning into the best big sister anyone could ask for.  

Kassiah's birth story

Just when I was starting to think that Kassiah would never arrive and I was permanently pregnant…contractions finally started.  It was late Thursday night and I was just about to go to sleep when I began to get a mild crampy feeling every 20 minutes or so.  I remembered my prenatal training from Mariah’s time and went straight to bed to ensure I’d be rested for labour.  By about 5am, the contractions were noticeable enough to wake me up, but still mild enough to know that I was in the early stage.  Ivan and I spent Friday juggling rest periods with strategies to progress the labour.  I knew I needed to walk, so we went on a family trip to the grocery store where I took occasional discrete pauses to breathe through contractions.  I tried to stay pretty active the rest of the day, but still squeezed in an afternoon nap with Mariah.  By Friday evening, the contractions were finally getting a bit closer together – like every 5-10 minutes, and a bit more painful.  Around 8pm, we packed Mariah a sleepover bag and shipped her off to a friend’s place, since we figured she’s a bit too young to understand what was about to happen.  Then we paged our midwives around 10 pm to give them a heads up that labour had started and that they would likely get another call in the middle of the night. 

I took a hot bath, since this usually slows down contractions if they’re just part of pre-labour, or speeds them up if your body is ready.  I was starting to get disappointed since the contractions began to slow down for a little while.  But sure enough, when I tried to go to bed, they again intensified.  Ivan quickly bounced back into the role of labour coach and applied ‘counterpressure’ to my hips with each contraction to help with the pain.  I was so anxious to get labour moving that I was torn between sleeping and staying awake.  I was getting stuck in my head – busy with thoughts trying to analyze how far along into labour I was and how to hurry up the process, rather than trusting my body and just letting the process happen.  I had been timing the contractions all day and was so focused on trying to get them closer together, that my anxiety level had the opposite effect and I was getting frustrated that my body wasn’t listening to my orders. 

I tried hard to convince myself that things were moving forward.  Once contractions got down to about 5 minutes apart I paged my midwife, Debbie, again to check-in.  She offered to come and assess me, but also reminded me that I sounded a bit too chipper to be in the active phase of labour.  I agreed that I didn’t quite feel ‘there yet’ and decided to try and sleep one more time.  Ivan suggested we stop timing the contractions and just focus on relaxing – and as soon as I managed to turn my brain off and my body on, things finally started changing.  My response to the contractions progressively transitioned from breathing through them to moaning while squeezing Ivan.  By 3am, they had become intense enough that I was pretty sure I was in ‘active labour’.  I paged Debbie and said “I’m not chipper anymore” to which she laughed and assured me she and Theresa would be on their way.  They arrived just 15 minutes later when I had returned to the bathtub to help soothe the pain.  Each one brought me comfort and support, helping me feel safe in good hands.  When Debbie checked me, I probably should have been happy to already be 7cm dilated, but I joked that I wished I were 10cm already since I was fully dilated when the midwives arrived for Mariah’s delivery.  I realized that the whole time, I had been comparing this labour to my first experience, and hurrying it along to try and fit the same schedule.  But little did I know that despite my early labour being twice as long as the first time (about 30 hours), the active labour and pushing would turn out to be twice as fast the second time. 

As contractions continued to get more intense and closer together, I tried my best to cope with them.  I went back and forth from squatting under my rain shower to hanging over my bathtub, with Ivan pressing on my lower back.  I used a towel as a pillow and kept burying my face in it and grabbing onto it, like it could help me escape the pain.  The last few contractions were so strong that I was whimpering and thinking to myself I would never do this again.  Theresa leaned over and gently reminded me that even though it was hard to do, I needed to try and relax during contractions to allow my body to open up, so I tried my best to turn my clenched face into a calm one.  After just an hour and a half of active labour, I suddenly felt Kassiah’s head pressing down and I told the midwives I needed to push.  The first push didn’t do anything productive aside from making Theresa reach for the fish net (i.e. I may or may not have pooped a bit – don’t laugh, it’s very common during childbirth...nothing to be ashamed of, ladies!).  But on the next contraction, I sat up in the bathtub and before Theresa could even get her gloves on, Kassiah’s head was making her way through.  I could hear Ivan and the midwives encouraging me to slow down to minimize tearing, and I tried my best for a few seconds but then quickly gave another couple of pushes and Kassiah emerged into the water.  Theresa immediately handed her to me, and I was overwhelmed with relief that I had reached the finish line and that my baby was finally here.  She looked so much like Mariah did at birth that it was a bit unreal.  Ivan and I gushed in amazement as Debbie cozied Kassiah in warm towels on my chest and Theresa made sure she had a bit of a cry.  Kassiah officially arrived at 4:31 am Saturday July 7^th in the incredible waterbirth experience I had always wanted.  After the umbilical cord had finished pulsing, Ivan got to do the honours and Theresa told him that if we had a third, he could even be the ‘catcher’ (which I’ll have to thank her for later since I had only recently convinced Ivan and myself that two is enough : ) 

Soon after, the midwives helped me back to my bed where I was joined by Ivan and Kassiah for some snuggle time.  She weighed in at 6 lbs 7 oz – just an ounce smaller than Mariah was, even after Kassiah was 5 days overdue.  She was quiet and content upon her arrival into the world, and even latched on for a feed without any difficulty.  Ivan and I feel so lucky to have such a positive pregnancy and birth experience, yet again, that we gave Kassiah the middle name ‘Sage’ after the Sage Passages team with our Birth Partnership midwives. 

Me and my amazing midwives

The good old 'weigh' : )

The Overdue Time Warp

As I watched my July 2^nd due date come and go this week, I’m finally experiencing the time warp of being overdue, first hand.  I’ve never fully understood what it felt like before, since Mariah was one of the 3% who showed up right on time.  So far, I think I’m handling it pretty well since Ivan is now off on summer holidays, and we’ve been enjoying our last few days as a family of three.  We’ve tried to balance keeping active with walks and outings along with lots of rest including 2-hour afternoon naps with Mariah.  Staying distracted definitely helps since I think I would be going a bit insane if I were home alone staring at the clock. 

I’ve been optimistically thinking that this baby will arrive ‘tomorrow’ for the last two weeks or so…but each tomorrow has turned into a yesterday pretty quickly.  Part of what’s helped me stay calm is that the midwifery approach to a due date tends to be more liberal than the medical model.  Many women at my stage would already have a medical induction scheduled, which I think can add a bit too much pressure to an already stressful situation.  Midwives offer induction options as well, but these are usually less invasive and less time constrained.  I was offered a ‘stretch and sweep’ of my cervix starting at 38 weeks and although I’ve been anxious to meet my new baby, I decided to hold off.  I finally had the procedure done today (which turned out to be pretty quick with minimal discomfort) and I’m curious to see if it ‘works’ since it’s said to kickstart labour within 48 hours for about 25% of women.  I’ve been using natural inducers; like pregnancy tea, homeopathic medicine, and evening primrose oil; for the last month…so hopefully the combination will help get baby moving soon.  Although I’ve carried her quite high throughout my pregnancy, she finally ‘dropped’ a few days ago – which I can tell with some new pelvic pressure and a relief from heartburn.  So as far as I can tell, all signs point to ‘tomorrow’ – right?!?

The unpredictability factor seems to be even harder on Ivan than it is on me.  He continues to pendulum swing between nesting (like cooking & cleaning in preparation for baby) and then getting frustrated when life goes on and we need to do all of those things again.  Today he talked me into a Costco trip for enough snacks to survive the apocalypse – so hopefully that doesn’t jinx anything!  And Mariah…she continues to be as oblivious as possible to my belly, but more and more obsessed with the concept of ‘babies’.  She now stops in her tracks each time she sees a ‘baby’ in public and screams the word in delight, even if the ‘baby’ happens to be twice her age.  She drags her own little baby everywhere with her so I’m sure she and her sister will be inseparable…once Mariah gets over some intense jealousy and identity issues, that is. 

So if all goes well, I will be busy with baby #2 ‘tomorrow’ and won’t have time to blog for a while.  Fingers crossed that the delivery and post-partum mood roller coaster are a little gentler than the first time.  I will share an update on both as soon as chaos subsides a bit.  Until then – wish me luck, and look out for the new arrival e-mail (which I took the liberty of pre-drafting several weeks ago with blanks for the details in true Holly style!).