Post-Partum Anxiety...and medication

Prior to becoming a mom, I had some knowledge of ‘baby blues’ and post-partum depression…but I had never heard the term ‘post-partum anxiety’.  As it turns out, myself and many women I’ve spoken with say that anxiety can be much stronger than depression, post-partum.  Some women have panic attacks, others obsess over the health of their baby.  I think the sudden loss of control for women, who usually prefer to be ‘in control’, can be very disorienting. 

For me, I found that my underlying anxious nature became more intense for a period of time.  I’ve always been a general worry wart – the type who plans things far in advance, processes situations over and over again, and has trouble making decisions.  All of these tendencies went from being noticeable yet manageable to being so distracting that they finally started to affect my daily functioning.  I had started checking off diagnostic criteria in my head: “excessive worry – check; difficulty controlling the worry – check; feeling restless – check; difficulty concentrating – check; difficulty sleeping – check; irritability – check, check, check!”.  I used to wonder whether my previous level of anxiety would have warranted some medication treatment.  In retrospect, I’m sure it couldn’t have hurt to do a medication trial or two…but in comparison to my anxiety level post-partum, I was finally sure that medications were ‘needed’ (as sure as an indecisive anxious person can be). 

The topic of mental health medication can be a controversial issue, since there is a full spectrum of people who range from being completely for it, to being completely against it.  After my recent pendulum swing toward all things natural, I was really torn about the decision.  I contemplated seeing a naturopath or taking more of the natural & homeopathic medications I was already tinkering with.  But I decided that my anxiety was so strong and my mood so fragile, that I wanted to give medication a try.  So I talked to my family doctor who agreed that I would probably benefit from a low dosage of anti-depressants (which are often also used to treat anxiety).  I had some side effects for a few days, but within weeks I noticed a dramatic increase in my energy, improvements in my mood, and I found it much easier to sleep.  This reaction isn’t common for everyone, since many people have to trial various medications and dosages before finding the right one.  And I made sure to use the medication as just part of a ‘treatment plan’ that worked for me – including therapy, exercise, walks, and of course blogging!

I’m now at the point where I’m weaning myself off the medication since my mood has been stable for a few months.  However, I have no regrets about using them.  It was a very personal decision that not everyone would make…but as many women told me in retrospect – they wish they had tried medication to get back some precious moments with their baby.

Trouble in Paradise

I’m pretty sure the biggest parenthood myth I was ever told is that ‘a baby will bring you and your partner closer together’.  Yes – babies are wonderful, and they can turn a house into a home.  But let me tell you, they are probably one of the most significant stressors a couple’s relationship will ever face.  Ivan and I have both always wanted kids – to the point that we even bought baby items when we were just dating!  So we were probably so busy daydreaming about how a new baby would magically make our lives more enjoyable, that we forgot to mentally prepare for the practical challenges parenthood would bring into a marriage. 

Like many parents say – the moment they leave the hospital (or in our case, the moment our midwives left the house) – they are suddenly faced with the reality that they’re on their own.  Ivan and I have a reasonable amount of experience caring for babies, thanks to our nephews and younger cousins.  However, even with that under our belts, the constant demand for baby care (like nursing, changing diapers, bathing, etc.) in combination with sleep deprivation and maternal hormones can really put a marriage to the test.  I found that my heightened post-partum irritability served as a magnifying glass on our relationship.  If you’ve ever read about the ‘Five Languages of Love’, you will understand that Ivan’s ‘Acts of Service’ (like bringing me tea) and ‘Physical Touch’ (like offering me a massage) were clashing strongly with my need for ‘Words of Affirmation’ (like “I’m so proud of you”).  The mania I was experiencing not only caused me to talk excessively, but to feel hurt whenever Ivan didn’t respond.  So his tendency to mumble, have selective hearing, and difficulty expressing how he feels, suddenly shifted from being barely noticeable to extremely aggravating.  And I’m sure the feeling was mutual since my everyday wife nagging increased drastically and my sensitivity turned every nothing into something.  If Ivan was quiet, I thought he was mad at me; if Ivan talked loudly, I thought he was yelling at me; if Ivan didn’t hear me, I thought he was ignoring me…he truly couldn’t win.

As someone who has always prided herself on having an amazing relationship, I was devastated that things weren’t the same.  I missed my best-friend and almost felt like I was grieving the loss of the couple we used to be.  On top of that, I have to admit that I was starting to feel a hint of jealousy toward my innocent little baby girl since she had quickly captivated Ivan’s attention.  Whenever I heard Ivan calling Mariah ‘the love of his life’ or gazing at her lovingly, I felt even more hurt that our relationship was in a period of lacking that same affection.

After just a couple of weeks, Ivan and I made the wise decision to try some couple therapy.  As a therapist myself, I am a strong advocate that counselling can be helpful in any relationship, no matter how strong or healthy.  All we needed was a few sessions of chatting with someone who could help us put things in perspective.  We learned that our rough patch was very normal and that many people consider the entire first year to be the ‘post-partum adjustment’ since a new mother and her partner are faced with so many new challenges.  Our therapist had us do some much-needed homework to figure out who did which household chores pre-baby and how we would renegotiate now that our schedules had changed.  She also got us to talk about the current issues that were causing us tension like what was fair in terms of balancing nighttime feeding responsibilities--She helped validate that being a new mom is a 24/7 job and that it’s crucial to her physical and emotional health that her partner takes some turns with nighttime duties.

Luckily for Ivan and I, we have slowly returned to having a solid and happy relationship.  We still have the normal fights that every couple does, but I suppose I can finally agree that the challenge of having a new baby eventually brought us closer together…once we survived the storm: )

What goes up must come down

After a few days of uninterrupted post-partum mania, I started to hit some inevitable mood crashes.  Most of my time continued to be spent feeling ecstatic, but since a person can only sustain that for so long, I began to have daily plummets into depressive episodes.  My heightened awareness came along with heightened anxiety, which came along with heightened irritability, which meant that any little thing could throw me into the deep end of a crying spell.  And these weren’t the entertaining ‘mood swings’ you might see on t.v. – in fact they were rather frightening for me to experience and probably equally frightening for Ivan to watch.  The slightest disagreements that wouldn’t have phased me pre-baby, began to turn me into an emotional wreck.  I remember falling to my knees and sobbing desperately – the type of cry I hadn’t experienced since I was a child – the kind where you can barely catch your breath.  Yet, I can’t remember what I was crying about in that moment, so it probably wasn’t all that significant.

Each morning I would awake (after barely sleeping) with a smile on my face and the determination to prove to myself that the ‘baby blues’ were over.  Yet each day, for at least the first couple of weeks, I had at least one crying spell that lasted anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour.  That doesn’t seem like a long time – but while I was trapped in those spells, they seemed like they would never end.  At first I tried hard to fight them off, by running to the bathroom and trying to wash away the tears, but soon realized that these attempts were futile.  My hormones needed an outlet, and rather than trying to suppress them, I needed to express them in a healthy way and then move forward.  Similar to childbirth, I stopped resisting the pain, and started allowing my body and mind to experience these intense emotions, in order to move forward.  This helped me to regain control and remember that the dips were temporary, rather than being paralyzed with the fear that I thought I was ‘going crazy’ in those rough moments.  Being the therapist I am, I even wrote a list of ‘coping strategies’ (including simple tasks like eating, drinking, sleeping, relaxing, seeking support, etc.) since it’s easy to forget about self-care when you’re busy tending to a newborn. 

These first couple of weeks post-partum were definitely the toughest – both because my emotions were so raw and intense; and because I didn’t know when they would improve.  But luckily, the mania started to taper off and the crying spells started to become less regular.  I was hopeful, at that time, that my post-partum emotions would end any day, but have realized that they can often change and evolve for at least a full year.  

Post-partum mood, stage 1: Sheer Manic...

At the moment Mariah was born, I felt a strong dose of adrenalin pumping fiercely through my veins.  I had just gone through 16 hours of labour (most of which were quite manageable, however) and had delivered Mariah naturally – yet I didn’t feel the exhaustion or pain I had anticipated.  Instead, I felt excitement, an extreme sense of alertness, and a strong desire to stay awake and process the miracle I had just experienced.

For the next week or so, this adrenalin rush continued to offer me a natural high that lifted me to a place my emotions had never been.  I was unbelievably happy to have my long-awaited bundle of joy in my arms, and initially I chalked my excitement up to a ‘normal’ reaction to this life-altering experience.  When I wasn’t taking care of Mariah, I spent a lot of time following my mind on a frantic journey that explored rather deep topics such as my beliefs in God and spirituality.  In fact, I remember lying in bed thinking intensely about my new interpretation of God (i.e. that there is an abstract higher force or power that reaches out to us through elements of nature and the life cycle, since I’ve never been one who was satisfied by the idea that God is an actual ‘being’ who oversees us and has the ability to intervene).  Even as I reflect about this in retrospect, I can see how that would have felt like a powerful moment for me, but at that time I saw it as much more than that.  I remember wondering if this was how Buddha felt when he reached ‘enlightenment’ (seriously).  When I tried explaining this to Ivan, his first reaction was to smirk (probably since he was amused by my delusions of grandeur).  And rather than realizing that I sounded a little crazy, I felt shocked and terribly hurt that he wasn’t taking my spiritual revelation seriously.  In my mind I had almost expected him to be in awe of my realizations and in agreement that I had discovered valuable information that the rest of the world would be privileged to know. 

My days were filled with uncontrollable laughter at things that weren’t really all that funny, a sudden urge to ‘nest’ and organize the house (which I had never experienced during pregnancy like some women do), a generalized feeling of urgency to complete all tasks as soon as possible (such as personally replying to dozens of congratulation e-mails), and constant surge of ideas flowing rapidly through my mind.  It was the first time in my life that I had trouble sleeping at night – and I couldn’t even blame it on Mariah since she was a reasonably good sleeper.  My mind was just racing so fast with so many thoughts and ideas that I found it nearly impossible to calm myself down.  And since my frantic thoughts were positive and my mood was better than it had ever been, I didn’t have the slightest insight that this was anything to be concerned about.

However, after a few days of floating high on cloud nine, my husband Ivan had to gently tug me down to discuss the possibility that my emotional state was perhaps a bit beyond the ‘normal’ range.  Until he pointed it out, I hadn’t realized that I was showing some rather out of character behavior such as talking nonstop (not just usual wife chatter, but literally rambling on like a runaway train that couldn’t slow down).  It was a rude awakening to realize that the emotional high I was so thoroughly enjoying, was actually more of a manic state that was somewhat concerning. 

We chatted these mood issues over with one of my midwives at my 5-day in-home check-up and she agreed that it was probably something that needed to be addressed proactively since it would likely result in some sudden mood drops.  She suggested some natural remedies, such as Rescue Remedy Bach Flower, Valerian root tincture, and Coffeea homeopathic medicine, which I found very helpful in stabilizing my mood.

Despite now realizing that my manic days were somewhat unhealthy, I am thankful that I experienced them for several reasons.  First of all, since I work in the field of mental health therapy, it was helpful to experience even a glimpse of what someone with manic depressive (or bipolar) disorder might feel.  I now have a better understanding of why someone with this diagnosis might resist medications (since the manic phase can feel so exhilarating that it’s hard to give up).  Likewise,  my brief experience with this manic state helps me to see ‘mental illness’ in a uniquely positive light.  I can understand why some cultures value community members with these types of characteristics, since they have a skillset that can serve both as survival tools and the foundation for inspirational thinking.  In addition, even though many of my racing thoughts were a bit far-fetched, some of them were pretty intelligent.  In fact, much of the content of this blog is based on pages of scribble notes that I jotted down in between feeds, or wrote for several hours straight when I couldn’t sleep at night.  Okay, so I may have thought I was writing the contents of a best-selling book...but at least the ideas were there : )

Returning from the honeymoon

So just two short weeks into my return to work, my honeymoon phase seems to be slowly evaporating into thin air.  I spent my first few days convincing others, and probably myself, that I was 100% happy to be back at work.  When other mom co-workers would stop me in the hallway to ask if I was okay without Mariah, I almost had to hold in laughter and a cynical “Mariah who?”.  I don’t think I was in denial or faking, I just honestly felt great and lacked the self-awareness to know that my extreme excitement couldn’t possibly last forever.

In retrospect, I think that moving quickly from chronic social withdrawal and isolation into daily outings was a welcomed change initially.  I was so busy enjoying driving without screams from the backseat and going out for lunches, that I probably forgot that work is called work for a reason.  As my schedule is starting to pick up and stress tension is creeping back into my shoulders, I’m starting to remember what the ‘real world’ can actually be like sometimes.  I’m getting less excited to be driving, and more frustrated to sit in traffic; less enthusiastic about finding an outfit and more aggravated when my pre-pregnancy clothes don’t fit; and less eager to leave the house in the morning since I want to squeeze in more time with Mariah.  She’s starting to tug at my heartstrings too since she refuses to wave goodbye to me and instead holds onto me for dear life and waves to Ivan as if to say ‘dad, you’ve been a great sport…but I’m ready for mom to stay home again!’.

The good news is, despite all of my whining, I have no regrets and probably still like my job more than the average person (I’m not just saying that because my boss reads my blog : )  Most people I vent to assure me that this is all part of the natural process of adjusting into a new work-life balance.  It’s a good reminder that the grass always seems greener on the other side, but that if you focus on being mindful of the present and thankful for the positive things in life – the grass beneath you will start looking just as green.  I am so grateful that Ivan has chosen to take some parental leave since I can’t imagine dealing with returning to work and placing Mariah in childcare at the same time.  That stage will arrive in a few short months, and we’ve found someone wonderful who will take great care of our baby…but I’m glad I can deal with one step at a time.

Ironically, my recent lack of insight about this temporary ‘high’ reminds me a bit of how I felt immediately post-partum.  I think part of the reason I’ve been postponing writing about my mood changes on this blog is that I kept waiting for them to be ‘over’.  But I’ve learned that the first year and beyond can all be categorized as part of a ‘post-partum adjustment’ that often involves a number of complex and constantly evolving mood shifts.  So after much stalling, I think that this post is the perfect segway into an upcoming series of entries about my mood experiences thus far.  So stay tuned!

The Switcheroo

Before becoming a mom, I sometimes used to wish that my family could afford to live on one income so that I could be a stay-at-home mom.  But then again, I used to think a lot of crazy thoughts about parenthood before becoming a parent!  Don’t get me wrong – I don’t look down on parents who choose to be home with their kids.  In fact, it’s just the opposite.  I have realized over the past several months that staying home to raise a family is the hardest job anyone could ever have, and I give credit to those who can manage it.  However, after several months of mixed emotions on the topic, I have finally admitted to myself that I was not cut out to be at home full-time.  I love being a mom, but to be honest, I didn’t always ‘like’ being a stay-at-home one. 

As I’ve reflected about before on this blog, I’m a task-oriented person who needs a certain level of structure and predictability in my day-to-day life.  And apparently I didn’t read the fine print when I signed on to be home with Mariah, since those were not actually in the job description.  While some moms dread the end of their maternity leave, I had a strong urge to return to work about halfway through mine.  There were lots of factors that made it tough to be home: feeling isolated without a 2^nd car, being trapped indoors during bad weather, and dealing with my post-partum mood (which is on the top of my blogging priority list and I promise to get to one of these days!).  I envied Ivan’s ability to be a parent when he was home, but also have the escape of adult-life when he was at work.  At first I felt guilty about wanting time away from Mariah, but have realized that it’s a very normal thing to want a career outside of the home, to create a sense of balance.

Lucky for me, while I was busy envying Ivan’s life, he was busy doing the same.  In some ways, I wanted to hand him parental leave as payback, like ‘fine, you think it’s so easy…then enjoy’!  But to be honest, Ivan has done a great job of validating how hard being home with a baby is, and how much he appreciated me for doing it.  And for any of you who know Ivan, you know it would be unfortunate if he didn’t have an opportunity for some parental leave.  Ivan is a rare breed of man – the type that not only enjoys cooking, cleaning, and taking care of a baby, but is also amazing at all of those tasks!  In fact, my sister-in-law & I sometimes complain to each other about how our husbands make domestic work look so easy it hurts our ego.  But I suppose that really isn’t a marital issue to complain over, is it? 

So with Mariah being 9 months old and essentially weaned from breastfeeding, we decided that I would return to work and let Ivan take the last 3 months of parental leave.  Just one week into our new lives – we are all much happier people.  I feel great to put on something other than pajamas or sweats in the morning…and am actually motivated to wear a bit of makeup and attempt to be somewhat fashionable, despite having minimal interest (and skill) in either of those pre-baby.  Driving, making phonecalls, going to meetings, and even doing paperwork, bring me a sense of identity beyond being a mom.  I’m sure a lot of my comfort in returning to work also has to do with the fact that I am at ease knowing Mariah is in good hands with her dad at home.  Ivan is a teacher through and through, so I usually return home to witness his impressive skills at making anything into a game.  And needless to say, Mariah is having a ball with her new best friend too.  Whereas she used to cling to me, she is now quickly developing an equally strong and important bond with her daddy.  Her face lights up when she sees him and she always has a smile for him.

I’m sure life will become a bit more overwhelming and stressful when we’re both working in a few months.  But for now, I’m enjoying the luxury of a smooth transition opportunity for the three of us.

Asleep at last

After 9 long months, our family is finally basking in the luxury of full night's sleeps.  Before Mariah arrived, Ivan and I weren't exactly sure where we wanted her to sleep.  We both have fond memories of sleeping in our parents' beds, so we wanted that same coziness but also bought a bassinet and crib just incase.  The night Mariah was born, the midwives asked us where she would be sleeping and Ivan & I both looked at each other unsure of the answer.  She was so tiny and fragile that we wanted to keep her as close as possible, but were also a bit scared of squooshing her in our bed.  We ended up keeping her nestled between us, and there she stayed for many months to follow.  At first I told myself that I would move her to the bassinet once I recovered from childbirth, since it was physically difficult to get up for each feed.  But by that time, she (and we) had become so used to co-sleeping that it was nearly impossible to peel Mariah away from us.  In fact, even when we placed her in the middle of our bed as a newborn, she would somehow find a way to squirm her way over to mommy for cuddles at night.  Since co-sleeping is very 'normal' in our culture, our families assured us that it was perfectly fine, while others warned us that it was the worst thing we could do.  As an impressionable and indecisive person, I was emotionally torn and felt like I was 'failing' at the job of getting Mariah into her crib.

Over the last several months, our sleeping arrangements have taught me that, like most parenting practices, there really is no right or wrong.  Now, I'm a black and white thinker who thrives on following rules and specific instructions.  So needless to say, this realization has been a challenge for me.  But the I am learning that there are benefits and consequences to every option, and that parents need to make the decision that works best for themselves and their children.  The benefits of co-sleeping include priceless bonding, a sense of reassurance for baby and her parents, and our doula even told us that it has been proven to reduce SIDS since a mother's breath helps circulate that of her baby.  This last piece is highly controversial since public health insists that co-sleeping is an unsafe practice due to the possibility of suffocation or injury.  I would never argue that they are completely wrong, since some studies have proven an increased risk in certain situations, like when a parent is obese or under the influence...but I don't think it's fair to cast co-sleeping with a blanket statement (pun intended) of being unsafe either.  As with many other practices, (like midwifery for example!), co-sleeping has been done safely in various indigenous and traditional cultures around the world for ages and is finally starting to receive recognition in North America.

However, one major challenge of co-sleeping is that it can make it tough for nursing moms to sleep.  As Mariah grew, she learned that if she bullied me enough at night, I would give-in and breastfeed her.  When teething started at four months, she began to wake every hour or two...which meant I had to wake every hour or two.  And since every minute of sleep is crucial for a new mom's mood and energy levels (which I promise to blog about one of these days)...we decided to try transitioning Mariah to her crib around six months.  We started by using an attachment method in which you go to baby each and every time she cries to settle her, with the hope that her need for reassurance will diminish.  Throughout Ivan's summer holidays, we gave it our best - taking turns waking all night, but nearly 2 months later - no such luck.  Mariah continued to wake throughout the night and I was too exhausted to continue tending to her, so I gave up and she returned to our bed for another few weeks. 

Just when I was at my wits end, I heard from some friends that Dr. Ferber, who had made a name for himself in the 80s with his controversial sleep training program, had written a new book that was a bit less harsh.  Ferber's "progressive waiting" approach involves putting baby in her crib when she's sleepy and leaving her alone for an increasing number of minutes each night so that she learns to fall asleep on her own.  It was definitely torture to hear Mariah crying her heart out and then walking into her room to check on her, only to leave her again.  But sure enough, after just one weekend, Mariah learned how to sleep through the night in her own crib.  In fact, she even seems relieved these days when she's dozing off and we lay her down on her familiar blanket.  I still take naps with her to squeeze in some extra cuddle time, and we hope to have some cozy family slumber parties in the future when she understands that it's just a treat.  But for now, the three of us seem to be much happier and better rested with Mariah in her crib.  I'll try not to jinx myself, since I realize we may have some hiccups down the road with teething and colds.  But if this week is any indication of Mariah's resilience, we're doing alright: we're on vacation visiting Grandma and Mariah is sound asleep in her playpen...hence the opportunity to blog!

My personal legend: A mother and a singer

I’m the type of person who has a very peculiar memory.  I rarely remember birthdays or what I did over the weekend, but my mind has stored vivid images of scenes from my childhood, as if they happened yesterday.  One such scene was in grade 2, when a substitute teacher asked our class to write down what we wanted to be ‘when we grew up’.  While most of my classmates wrote things like ‘teacher’ or ‘doctor’, I wrote ‘a mother and a singer’.  These two plans felt so personal and embarrassing that I folded my paper in half and asked the teacher not to share it with the class.  She later came over to me and with a gaze of respect and admiration, she assured me that my plans were just fine.  I thought back on that day for years to come and was amused by how sure I always was that I wanted to be a mom…and how hilarious it was that I thought I would be a professional singer considering I don’t have much of a singing voice.  (That idea was likely inspired by the fact that both of my parents are musicians, and that Whitney Houston and Janet Jackson were my idols in the 80’s!)

Anyhow, decades later, when I was pregnant, my sister gave me a book called ‘The Alchemist’.  She knew that I wasn’t much of a reader, but that I was at a place in my life where I was trying to come to terms with my sense of spirituality and purpose.  So I picked up the book and, sure enough, couldn’t put it down.  It took me on an amazing reflective journey of self-awareness and critical thought about the meaning of success.  The author, Paulo Coelho, wrote about the concept of ‘a personal legend’ – one’s authentic calling in life.  Like many of us, the main character spent many years traveling and trying various careers in search of what he was meant to do, only to realize that the answer was within him all along.  He didn’t need education or wealth to fulfill his potential, he just needed to look inside himself to acknowledge his strengths and interests, and choose a path that allowed him to let them flourish.  This story brought me a sense of peace and satisfaction with my own life.  As an anxious and ambitious person, I often second guess my decisions and wonder if I’m where I should be in life.  The alchemist taught me that a personal legend is special and meaningful, no matter how big or small; no matter how simple or complex.

A few days after Mariah was born, I was rocking her and singing her the chorus of a song I love, “Oh Mama” by Justin Nozuka.  I may have changed keys a few times and probably even went off pitch, but Mariah just gazed up at me like my voice was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard.  It brought me back to that moment in grade 2 and tears started rolling down my cheeks.   In fact, it was the first time I had cried since Mariah was born.  I had never fully understood what I had written on that little piece of paper until this moment.  At last, I was “a mother and a singer”, perhaps not in the same way I visualized when I was a child, but in a way much more powerful and meaningful than I ever could have imagined – I was realizing my personal legend. 

The Alchemist has taught me that perhaps we should not be asking our children what they want to be ‘when they grow up’.  But rather, we should be asking them who they are, and respecting their answers.  If our personal legends are truly within us, then perhaps they’re predetermined at birth, perhaps we know exactly who we are as kids and just lose track of it when navigating the complex world around us.  So take a minute and ask yourself if you are living out your personal legend today.  And if the answer is ‘no’, maybe you need to chat with your inner child to remember what it is you were put on this earth to do.  (I know this post is a bit Oprah-esque, but just humour me!)

A little part of me...

Although Mariah used to enjoy being passed from person to person as an infant, she’s recently started to become very fussy when she’s away from mommy & daddy.  During visits with family and friends, she prefers to cling to us than to be carried by anyone else.  When I leave the room, even for a moment, Mariah starts to cry and chases after me.  Background noises that didn't use to phase her, like the shower or vacuum, now send Mariah scurrying to my feet in a panic.  And my poor aunts have been tortured by her loud and dramatic tears & screams when they try their best to babysit.

I was beginning to think we had somehow ‘spoiled’ her already, but I did a bit of research and learned that it is all quite normal for her age (http://www.babycenter.ca/baby/development/socialandemotional/independence/).  Around 6 months, babies usually start to experience some separation anxiety.  Apparently this sense of ‘stranger danger’ stems from the fact that they are starting to realize that they are individuals who aren’t actually part of their mommies.  When I first read this, I thought it was so cute, in a condescending sort of way – that a baby could mistakenly believe they were part of their mommy.  But when you think about it for a moment, a baby is created inside of mommy’s tummy and lives there for 9 months, so at one point, Mariah truly was ‘a little part of me’.  While it’s taken her several months for her to realize that she’s now a separate person, maybe it’s taken me the same amount of time to forget that we were once physically connected.  In fact, I wonder whether a mother's sudden adjustment to losing this part of themselves during childbirth is one of many factors that contribute to post-partum depression.  Another reason for separation anxiety is that babies under one year haven’t yet established an understanding of ‘object permanency’ (i.e. when you leave their sight, even for a moment, they think you’re “gone” and may not return).  Again, my first reaction was ‘silly Mariah, of course I’ll come back’.  But when you put yourself in baby’s tiny shoes from a survival perspective, it’s perfectly logical to fear separation from your parents since “cavebabies” really didn’t know whether their mommy or daddy would return each time they left.  

So I’m starting to give this kid a bit more credit and trying to see things from her innocent eyes.  Next time she gets startled by a dog barking and scoots her little self over to me, I’ll just give her a hug and assure her it’s not a predator (and I’ll try to enjoy those moments of closeness since I’m sure she won’t want to cling to me forever!). 

A mother's touch

To me a good mother is the perfect blend
of honesty, support, and love.
The kind so strong, you can feel her warmth
whether she's near, far, or above.

You call on her for guidance
when you don't know what to do.
She helps you find your inner voice;
to choose what's right for you.

And even when that choice
differs from her own,
She stays right by your side,
so you need not stand alone.

She holds your hand just tight enough
to let you know she's there.
Yet loose enough to let you be,
content in knowing she cares.

A mother doesn't push you

to do the things you fear.

Instead she gently pulls you

and whispers "don't worry, I'm here."

The softest skin you've ever touched,
a scent you'll never forget
Whenever you think her job is done,
she reminds you there's still time yet.

For no matter how old you grow,
and no matter how wise you become,
you will always be her baby;
she will always be your mom.

A monkey in doll's clothing

Remember when I wrote about the ‘calm before the storm’ just a few short weeks ago?  Well, it looks like the storm is beginning to brew as evidenced by the toys scattered around our house as though a hurricane just passed through!  Not only is Mariah improving her crawling, sitting, and standing skills, but she is also apparently working towards a degree in mischief.  At 7 and a half months old, she decided that she was old enough to climb the stairs, so she’s been practicing that whenever mommy turns her head.  She has discovered that our drawers and cupboards are filled with colorful and exciting new things – most of which she shouldn’t be playing with.  Despite having a toybox full of age-appropriate fun, Mariah prefers to pull all of our books out from the shelves, unfold entire laundry baskets, and her all-time favourite – eat paper from the recycling bin!  She demonstrates her love for a good challenge by using our dining set as a crawling maze.  Somehow she manages not to bump her head on chair legs, but makes up for it by falling down often when she’s trying to reach things she shouldn’t (like our fireplace or laptop).  I try scolding her with a firm ‘No’ but she misinterprets it as a game and usually smiles while she continues breaking all the rules.  Needless to say, babyproofing is on the top of our priority list at the moment.

We were beginning to worry that we had a fussy eater on our hands when she began pursing her lips and turning her face each time the spoon came near.  But we have realized that Mariah simply doesn’t like baby-foods nor being spoon-fed.  She will gladly finish half a banana for breakfast if you just set it in front of her and allow her to eat like a big girl (but one who makes a complete mess of herself).  Mariah also prefers to eat what mommy and daddy are eating, so we’re trying to make healthy and flavourful things we can all enjoy – last week she even had rice, dal (curried lentils) & fish for dinner!  Now before you post a comment about choking hazards or foods to avoid – don’t panic, I’ve done my research.  Many new parents are now choosing to implement ‘baby-led weaning’ (i.e. allowing your baby to explore and eat minced or finger foods independently rather than being spoon-fed purees).  In fact, I even attended a presentation by our hospital network that explains the pendulum has returned to minimizing purees and instead encouraging your baby to progressively eat whatever you’re eating by 1.

Mariah’s other miscellaneous monkey business includes her strong dislike for clothing.  She gets very upset when we try to dress her and tries her hardest to re-direct her limbs out of sleeves and pantlegs.  In fact, Mariah even resists diaper changes.  Instead of lying flat for optimal changing conditions, she constantly twists herself onto her stomach and tries to flee the scene as if she thought cleaning her poop was not a sufficiently stimulating task for me! 

Now – I know what you must be thinking “at least she’s old enough to sleep through the night so you’re well-rested”, right?  Wrong!  When most babies were busy learning how to sleep through the night around 4 months old, Mariah must have skipped that class and attended “how to become a worse and worse sleeper” instead.  My goal was to have her in her crib by the end of Ivan’s summer holidays, but since we can’t keep up her with demands through our exhaustion – she’s managed to sneak back into our bed for most of the night.  Whereas she used to sleep 3-5 hours at a time as a newborn, she has spent the last few months waking up every hour or two to nurse or just cause ruckus.  In fact, last night she sat up to chat and bang on our heads.  And when I asked Ivan what time it was, he growled “2 in the morning!” (I laughed and asked him whether the ‘in the morning’ part was really necessary).  And instead of taking hour and a half naps like other babies her age, she is usually standing up in her crib calling for us after half an hour. 

But as our families often remind us – apparently this is all pay-back.  Ivan and I were both arguably the most mischievious kids in our families…so if you do the math, Mariah’s genes are a perfect recipe for monkey business.  And just like my last entry – despite my sarcastic undertone, please know that we wouldn’t want Mariah any other way!  She keeps us on our toes but also keeps us entertained and smiling.  I’ve never met a more active baby and curious baby, but lucky for Mariah, I’ve also never met a cuter baby so it’s virtually impossible to get mad at her.

Back to the grind

Ivan returned to school/work this week and even though I’m still on maternity leave, I feel like it’s ‘back to the grind’ for all of us since I’m on my own with Mariah again.  The summer holidays were a much-needed respite for me to have an extra pair of hands around the house and left me dreading the school year.  But we all survived our first week and I’m feeling optimistic that the next few months will go well too.

Before summer holidays started, Mariah wasn’t able to entertain herself for very long.  But now that she’s able to sit and crawl, she can enjoy the satisfaction of her independence while I often have my hands free to keep the house in order.  A friend of mine asked what all chores I have, since I make them sound so endless on this blog.  In fact, it’s really not a lot – just keeping up with laundry and tidying…but with a baby around, everything seems to take twice as long!  Plus, since anything I try to do seems to get interrupted, I feel like my days are full of several partially completed tasks.  This in combination with my sleep deprived ‘baby brain’ result in me walking from room to room holding bits and pieces of various projects, without ever finishing any of them.  Since I’m a task-oriented woman (whereas men are typically process-oriented), it’s been quite an adjustment to develop a certain level of comfort with my new life of chaos.  At first, I tried desperately to fight against it by pushing my body to its limits and trying to do as much as I possibly could each day.  But I’ve realized that this attempt to regain any sense of control just leaves me spinning like a hamster in a wheel – trying hard, but truly never getting ahead since there is no ahead. 

Since many women like myself are now establishing careers before starting families, I think it’s an emerging generation that suddenly feel like failures when we try being stay-at-home moms since we associate success with a different type of productivity.  At work, I used to take great pride in starting and finishing tasks, doing paperwork, and even receiving the occasional affirmation.  At home, I feel like I’m caught between feeling busy yet bored at the same time.  My tasks are mundane and monotonous – changing diapers, making food, feeding baby, cleaning up, tidying, and then doing it all over again.  And whereas my work days used to be 8-4, parenting is 24/7.  I often catch myself grasping for mind-stimulating things that feel more like work (such as this blog!), since we live in a society that doesn’t validate how truly challenging and important the work of parenting is.  I used to envision maternity leave as a break and wished I could afford to quit my job to be a full-time mom.  And now I can’t wait to return to my day-job, since I’ve realized that being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done!  It reminds me of the movie ‘Marley & Me’ when Jennifer Anniston & Owen Wilson wondered why no-one had warned them how hard parenthood would be until they remembered everyone tried to but they never listened.  Despite all the warnings and advice people shared when I was pregnant, I truly wasn’t able to process the information until Mariah arrived since like childbirth – parenthood is just something that you won’t fully understand until it happens. 

But through all my complaining and venting, please be rest assured that as most parents say ‘I wouldn’t change a thing!’.  One of my goals with this blog is to be open and honest about the tough side of being a new mom since I think that’s important for non-parents (and new parents alike) to hear.  However, it’s not to scare anyone out of parenthood since it is also undoubtedly the most rewarding and amazing job I’ve ever had, despite the challenges.  

Calm before the Storm

So far, our little family has been thoroughly enjoying summer holidays together.  Time has flown by with flurries of houseguests, a few landscaping projects, and an upcoming camping trip in the Rockies.  I’ve gotten so used to having Ivan’s help with housework and taking care of Mariah, that I’m starting to get nervous about re-adjusting to the real world in a few short weeks.  At first, the shift from my once dreaded mommy routine was a bit unsettling, but I must admit I’m getting used to vacation mode with lots of late nights and many excuses to miss the gym! 

Baby bootcamp has been going reasonably well.  Mariah has been sleeping in her crib for the majority of most nights – with Ivan & I taking turns settling her every few hours.  She’s definitely more comfortable on her own these days, even singing herself to sleep sometimes as a self-soothing strategy.  I’m hoping to somehow try and maintain this when Ivan returns to work, but am a bit concerned that sleep deprivation may tempt me to ‘give up’ and bring her back to our bed.  Transitioning her to solids has been more fun than I expected.  Ivan made a hobby of making Mariah a variety of home-made babyfoods.  She loved most things, but has been realizing that it’s far more fun and delicious to eat off of our plates so we’re trying to allow her table and finger foods as much as we can (she even loves the taste of curry!)  As for diapering – we sat on the fence for a couple of weeks and both finally agreed to give up on cloth diapers (at least for now) and switch to disposables.  It was a tough decision, but the huge reduction in laundry is definitely helping me feel less overwhelmed.

Mariah’s mobility is truly blooming this summer.  Her crawling is improving and her frequent attempts at standing tell me that she will likely walk early.  In a way, her mobility has made parenting much more manageable since she’s independent enough to entertain herself with toys for a few minutes at a time, rather than needing to be carried.  However, as everyone keeps warning me … apparently I’ll be chasing after her in no-time.  I like to think that if I baby proof our house enough, maybe I can just let her roam free and eliminate the need for chasing.  But somehow, I think that rationale may be a bit naïve.  For now, I’ll just continue to enjoy the respite of summer holidays and the calm before the storm of excitement to come!

Baby Bootcamp

This long weekend marked the beginning of Ivan’s summer holidays from teaching.  I’m not sure who’s more excited: Ivan for having a well-deserved break from work; or me for getting an extra pair of hands to help with baby at home!  In fact, since the start of my maternity leave, I’ve been telling myself ‘just survive until summer and life will get easier’…and so it has.  Well mostly.  Ivan and I spent the first couple of days getting on each other’s nerves since that’s easy to do when you spend too much time together.  But the sunshine and summer vibes are starting to set in, so we’re trying to relax a bit more and daydream about the weeks to come.

Little does Mariah know, that mommy and daddy’s vacation time will coincide with her ‘baby bootcamp’.  You see…there are a few parenting hurdles I’ve found too hard to manage on my own, so I put them off until Ivan could help:

Step 1 – Sleep Training

Up until now, Mariah has had the luxury of co-sleeping in mommy and daddy’s bed.  Ivan and I both have very mixed feelings about this since it can be a great bonding experience, yet can perpetuate sleep deprivation and be a relationship challenge since something – or rather someone – is literally right in between us at night.  I’ll dedicate a full blog to this topic at a later time.  For now, the summary is that we have attempted transitioning Mariah to her crib several times with little success since it ideally requires a persistent effort from both parents.  There are various theories and strategies ranging from ‘Ferberizing’ (letting baby cry themselves to sleep) vs. a more attachment based approach of comforting baby each time she cries – each with the goal of gradually decreasing their need for mommy or daddy.  Last night was the first time that Ivan and I did not ‘give up’ – we took turns getting up every hour or two and did our best trying to reassure Mariah that she is safe in her crib.  It wasn’t easy.  We were both exhausted and frustrated.  We got mad with each other’s differing techniques but tried our best to stay calm (a good friend of mine advised that anything said to each other after 2am should not ‘count’!).  My hope is that if we can keep it up for a few more nights, Mariah might realize her crib isn’t so bad and we can all start sleeping a bit better. 

Step 2 – Starting Solids

Mariah has been showing signs of being ready for solids starting around 4 months.  At that point we experimented by giving her ‘tastes’ of fruits and progressing up to some baby cereal and cookies.  The general recommendation used to be to start solids from 4-6 months beginning with certain vegetables, then fruits, and later to meats, etc.  However, the current trend is to wait until 6 months and then start introducing baby to a variety of pureed foods full force and then quickly progressing to minced and finger foods.  In fact, you’re encouraged to start with iron-rich foods like pureed meats, fish, and beans.  Since we’ve decided to make our own baby food…and since you’re encouraged to introduce a new food every 2 days to prevent fussiness, I decided to wait until Ivan was home to help me deal with the mealplanning and blending – just a couple of weeks after Mariah turned 6 months.  So far so good – she’s tried nectarines (loved), peas (spat at us), and today she’s going to try pureed grilled salmon!  All this food leads us to the final step of bootcamp – the part that’s more of a challenge for daddy and I:

Step 3 – Dealing with ‘real’ poop

Mariah wore disposable diapers for her first 2 months until I felt ready to switch to cloth diapers.  We launder them ourselves and the process has actually been much easier than I expected since breastmilk is water soluble, so even poopy diapers could go straight into the washing machine.  However, once solid foods are introduced, so too are bigger, messier poops!  This means either spraying or wiping the mess into the toilet before laundering so, again, something I wanted ‘back-up’ for before committing to myself.  So far it’s tolerable, but I’ve decided that if it begins to feel too overwhelming we’ll switch back to disposables guilt-free.

All in all, bootcamp is off to a good start and I’m hopeful that once the three of us get into a good routine, the rest of the summer might get easier and more exciting.  Who would have thought that our summer plans would literally revolve around baby's eating, sleeping, and pooping!

3-6 Months

Today is a special day in our house, not just because it’s summer solstice, but because that marks Mariah’s “1/2 birthday” at 6 months old.  Her development has seemed exponential over these last three months.  She feels much less like a passive newborn these days and much more like an active baby, full of personality and character. 

Soon after she turned three months old, Mariah began trying a crunch motion like she was trying to sit up.  At that point, her rolling took a lot of energy and focus – she would slowly roll from tummy to back or vice versa and then stay there a while.  We discovered that one of her quirks is to rub her feet together often, looking like she’s trying to start a fire with them!  My favourite part of her three month development was that she started giggling.  She has a cute little squeaky chuckle that usually emerges when she’s playing with her daddy.  The funny thing is – I had heard her giggle in her sleep from the time she was about a month old but somehow it took her longer to learn how to do it awake.  She also went on her first plane ride to Ontario at three months and was a wonderful flyer.  I think she liked the white noise since she managed to sleep the whole way there and back.  She was showered with attention from our families there and didn’t seem to mind being away from home. 

At four months, Mariah had plenty of practice with rolling in both directions.  It no longer appeared forced, but gradually became more fluid and frequent.  She began the common baby hobby of sucking on her toes whenever they were in reach.  She suddenly switched from being oblivious around food to being very interested in it.  She would grab at our plates during mealtimes and we started to give her tastes of a few fruits like bananas, apples, and even mangoes.  Mariah and I started enjoying long walks almost daily.  She usually spends a few minutes enjoying the scenery and then falls asleep with the breeze and sounds of nature. Unfortunately for Ivan and I, 4 months was when Mariah went from being a good sleeper to a terrible sleeper.  Whereas she used to feed every 3 hours and sleep solidly in between for her first three months, she started having lots of trouble staying asleep around 4 months.  From that time until now, she’s become pretty restless at night – tossing and turning, wanting to feed every hour or two just to help her get back to sleep.  Apparently it’s quite common at this age due to teething so I have my fingers crossed that it’s just a stage!  

At five months, Mariah started to ‘talk’ less and yell more.  She fell in love with the jolly jumper and tends to shout happily when she’s in that.  However, she also started growling and grunting lots when she doesn’t get her way.  Around five and a half months she started attempts at crawling.  She gets up on all fours, rocks her body back and forth but then isn’t quite sure what to do next so she usually collapses in defeat and whines.  She’s very persistent and tries this all day long – each time with more skill than the last.  We cheer her on and keep thinking she’ll start crawling any minute, but since she’s 2 months ahead of the average schedule…I suppose she can take her time.  Even though she’s not on the move quite yet, she already seems hard to keep up with.  She likes playing with her toys but has a very short attention span and quickly moves from one to the next…and then to boredom.  I try my best to entertain her with books and cuddles, and the occasional t.v. show…but I usually run out of ideas by about 11am!  One solution has been a daily mother daughter bubble bath that we both thoroughly enjoy – it’s the highlight of my day (and I’d like to think hers too).  She loves water so much that we took her swimming a couple of times.  I think it is more confusing than fun to her at this point since she just stares at us wondering why we’re in the world’s biggest bathtub. 

Today’s 6 month mark is a bittersweet one for me.  In a way, I'm glad that I survived the chaos of motherhood until summer.  But on the other hand, I realize her development is soaring at the speed of light and that she’ll be a year before I have a chance to blink.  I’m trying hard to stay mindful and in the moment so that I can enjoy all of her precious moments.  Hopefully this blog will continue to help me keep centered and strike a balance between managing the many demands of motherhood while enjoying all it has to offer.

Natural care from Midwives vs. Medical Care from Doctors 101

Natural care from Midwives vs. Medical Care from Doctors 101

There are so many things I learned about womanhood and motherhood from my midwives.  I’ll never be able to capture the full essence of their wisdom with words, so instead I’ll just give you a taste of some food for thought.  Whereas hospitals view a labouring woman as a patient in need of medical intervention, midwives empower women to embrace the process and allow it to happen naturally.  Below is a summary of contrasts between Midwifery (M) and Western Medicine (WM) perspectives on childbirth.  Again, this is simply my understanding of the general consensus within each group – I realize there are exceptions to the rule.

Checking dilation

WM – In the weeks leading up to the due date, a woman should be checked for dilation to help estimate whether baby will arrive early, on time, or late.  In hospital births, women are often checked at regular intervals to track progress.

M – The onset of labour cannot be predicted.  Many women begin to dilate days or even a couple of weeks before baby’s arrival therefore it is irrelevant and unnecessary to check dilation prior.  Even during labour, dilation is only one of many indicators of progress.  Dilation is often hindered by stress and anxiety, therefore frequent checking can actually be counterproductive.  Some might even argue that farm animals are treated with more dignity than women since a labouring cow would be left alone since a farmer would likely be kicked in the head if he poked & prodded her every hour!

Length of Labour

WM – A woman’s labour is often hurried along by medical staff, with the underlying assumption that risks increase as time passes.  For example, if a woman’s water breaks, she is often told that she needs to deliver within 24 hours to avoid infection.

M – Each woman is different and will labour accordingly.  There is no real stopclock once labour begins – it can take hours or even days.  Even if a woman’s water breaks, her chance of infection is extremely low so it is unnecessary to react by speeding the process up.

Setting

WM – The hospital is the safest place for a woman and her baby.  It is important to have several medical staff present.

M – Unless indicators of risk arise, the best place to give birth is where the mother is most comfortable – which often means at home.  You can imagine how difficult it might be to give birth in a hospital bed if you compare being constipated and asked to have a bowel movement in front of strangers! 

Induction

WM – Once a woman reaches her due date, she may have to schedule a date for medical induction such as the use of pitocin or having her water broken with a needle.

M – A normal pregnancy lasts anywhere from 37-42 weeks, with first time moms usually at the longer end of the spectrum.  Induction is not usually discussed until about 41 weeks and 4 days – and natural methods (such as a castor oil concoction) are tried first.   Chemical induction is avoided since it can often begin a spiral effect of making further medical intervention ‘necessary’.

C-sections

WM – C-sections have become increasingly common in the last few decades and are used in more than 30% of North American births.  Apparently your chances jump even higher if you happen to be due right before Christmas or at other times that would be inconvenient for your doctor!
M – C-sections along with other medical intervention (e.g. forceps, vacuum, etc.) are needed in less than 5% of births.

Umbilical cord wrapped around baby’s neck

WM – This poses a serious threat to baby’s safety and warrants medical intervention to get baby out as soon as possible.

M – This is very common and not necessarily concerning unless there are other indicators of risk.  Many midwives have seen the cord wrapped around baby’s neck up to four times without harming baby in any way.

Risk of Hemorrhage

WM – It is unsafe for a woman to deliver outside of hospital since she could bleed excessively, putting herself at risk

M – The risk of hemorrhage during a natural childbirth is extremely low, but is often magnified in horrific media portrayals of childbirth.  Generally, excessive bleeding would only happen if the uterus fails to contract the placenta out after the baby is born.  Midwives offer an optional injection of pitocin as baby is emerging to help prevent this possibility and monitor bleeding carefully afterward to ensure mom’s safety.

Pain management

WM – The pain of childbirth is excruciating and unnecessary in today’s society.  Women would benefit from pain medication, such as an epidural, as soon as the pain becomes significant.

M – Contraction pains or ‘waves’ are necessary to help a mother’s body massage her baby out.  Epidurals are counterproductive since the numbing effect often makes it more difficult to push.  Natural pain management, such as water or acupressure points, are encouraged.

As you can see, I’ve become just slightly biased toward the natural view of childbirth.  The knowledge I gained from midwifery throughout my pregnancy allowed me to have such an amazing childbirth experience that I often catch myself daydreaming about the next time!  One last analogy I’ll leave you with when comparing a medical birth to a natural birth is considering the body’s reaction to consensual vs. non-consensual sex.  When a woman is comfortable and relaxed, the birth canal can expand for a positive and pleasurable experience.  Conversely, when a woman is scared, her body becomes tense and the same physical act can become painful and traumatic.  I don’t use this analogy to be dramatic or to suggest that medical professionals intentionally would ever intentionally harm a woman or her child.  However, I do feel that society’s shift toward medical hospital births is an injustice to women who are being convinced that they ‘need’ medical help to have babies.  I think we should listen to Dorothy and Oprah: we’ve had the power within us all along and we just need to embrace it!

My personal and spiritual evolution under midwife care during pregnancy, delivery & post-partum

Like many new moms, I found my pregnancy and delivery to be a transformative experience.  Some of that was obviously due to the process of motherhood itself.  However, I also attribute a significant amount of this spiritual awakening to the gentle care I received from midwives.  When I began receiving prenatal care at Birth Partnership Midwifery Services, I felt like I was walking into appointments with my eyes tightly shut.  I was torn between my dependency on Western medicine thus far, with my interest in natural childbirth.  However, at that point, my interest remained focused on just that – natural childbirth with no intention to further explore the world of natural healing.  At one of my first appointments, during a discussion with my midwife about the possibility of post-partum depression, she told me about how women in some cultures eat their placentas to balance their hormones and how even in our urban hometown, there’s a service that will encapsulate your placenta for consumption (http://www.purebirth.ca/placentaencapsulation.htm).  I was so turned off by the thought that I didn’t even have time to put on a poker face – I just looked disgusted and thought to myself ‘I would never do that’.  Well, as it turns out – ‘never say never!’.

During the course of my pregnancy, I gradually shifted from a being skeptic to a believer and proud user of natural remedies.  I used judge people who ‘wasted their money’ in the health food store…to being someone who is now willing to pay a bit extra for natural products.   Below are just a few of the natural remedies that I tried and found to be incredibly effective alternatives to Western medicine:

For Pregnancy-related issues:

Papaya enzyme tablets – to treat heartburn

Shredded potato  - to treat hemorrhoids (okay, I never tried this one cause I was scared of potatoes falling out of my pants…but apparently it works!)

To prepare for birth at full-term:

Homeopathic ‘EZ birth’ pellets – to help body prepare for dilation, anxiety, and pain

Evening primrose oil capsules – to help ripen cervix

Red raspberry tea – to help prepare uterus to contract

Acupuncture treatment and acupressure point training for labour

Post Partum:

Evening primrose oil capsules – to balance mood

Valerian tincture – to reduce anxiety

Homeopathic Coffea – to calm and reassure

Rescue Remedy Bach Flower – to calm and reassure

Placenta Capsules – to restore iron and nutrients lost during delivery in order to balance hormones, increase energy, and stabilize mood
Homeopathic Arnica Montana – to promote healing

Homeopathic Calendula – to promote healing

Infant Care:
Breastmilk - apply to baby's dry/irritated skin or lips
Sunlight - to treat mild jaundice

As you can see from my long and growing list – natural remedies have truly changed the way I view my body and health.  So if you happen to be the skeptic I used to be – I dare you to try just one natural remedy the next time you have an ache, pain, or other health difficulty, to see if you might be converted too.  

A mother's love

When I was a baby, you were my world.

I thoroughly enjoyed being your baby girl.

I played with your ears, when you held me in your arms.

You captured me with your smile and your motherly charm.

When I was girl, we used to love to talk.

When we cuddled at night, or on our countless walks.

You taught me about life, and what it meant to be

A girl who knew herself, a genuine me.

When I was a teen, I put your love to the test!

I challenged your authority, I gave it my best.

I brought you gray hairs by staying out late,

But you never gave up, through your worrisome wait.

When I went away to school, I started to see

How very much I missed you, and all that you mean to me.

You saw me through hard times, when I was overcome by tears,

You loved me when I didn’t, you helped rid me of my fears.

When you walked me down the aisle, I again began to cry,

As I saw flashes of all the years, that had quickly passed us by.

But you hugged me and released me into a new phase of life,

To grow into a woman, as somebody’s wife.

I still call you on those days, when the sky appears to fall,

You comfort me with your ever-wise words, you support me through it all.

The good times have been a plenty, the bad ones have been so few

That I dread that day in the future, of a life without you.

Now that I have a daughter of my very own,

I finally understand just how much I’ve grown.

I owe it all to you, I’m so glad you’re a part of me,

Without your gentle love, I don’t know who I’d be.

I look forward to the years to come, now that I’m a mother

The love that I have for my child, reminds me of another.

I’ll share this gift you gave to me, the kind that knows no end,

I hope to be a mom like you, an unconditional best friend.

Why I Chose a Midwife and Homebirth

I can’t quite remember when I first became interested in midwifery and homebirths, but I think it was a progressive curiosity that emerged several years ago.  Soon after getting married and moving to Calgary I continued my research on midwifery and homebirths and was crushed when I learned that they had been covered in our previous home-province of Ontario but not in Alberta.  Lucky for me, in April 2009 - not long after we started trying – Alberta finally caught up and approved the coverage of midwife care too!  However, this recent change meant that I would be competing against a swarm of other open-minded preggo’s, all desperate for a birthing experience that differs from today’s norm.  Since most people who know me, know that I pride myself in being Queen efficiency and highly competitive, let’s just say I was up to the challenge.  I again did some internet research and learned that there were only three midwife agencies in Calgary (that I know of), each staffing a handful of midwives.  After reading all of the bios, I was particularly drawn to the ‘Sage Passages’ team at Birth Partnership Midwives (http://birthpartnershipmidwives.com/sage/).  So after applying to all the agencies the moment I had a positive test (literally), I was one of the lucky few to get through the waitlist…and even luckier to get my #1 choice!  

I walked into my first midwife appointment with only the tidbits of knowledge I had gained from obsessively watching home and/or waterbirths on TLC’s ‘A Baby Story’, for the last several years.  I was definitely interested in a homebirth (in fact, the day Ivan & I chose our house, I told him ‘now that’s a tub I can homebirth in!’), but wasn’t yet fully committed.  At that point, I hadn’t yet done enough research myself to battle off “what if’s” from concerned family and friends in an educated way.  But at some point during my 2^nd trimester, our research taught us that not only are homebirths as safe as hospital births, but probably even ‘safer’ in the sense that hospitals often over-use sometimes unnecessary interventions such as forceps, vacuum, C-sections, episiotomy, inducing medication, and – the all powerful epidural (http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/181/6-7/359; http://www.bmj.com/content/330/7505/1416.full?ehom)

Now, let me just say that I realize some backs might be arched, and some feelings might be hurt, by moms who have experienced births involving some of the interventions I just mentioned.  So let me clarify a few things:

1.             I am not ‘against’ medical care for high risk pregnancies. Midwives will be the first to tell you that they respectfully turn this over to OBGYN’s who specialize in this field.  However, since less than 5% of pregnancies are considered high risk, why would the remaining 95% of healthy low risk pregnancies be treated in the same way? 

2.             I am not ‘against’ delivery interventions altogether, and I definitely understand that there is a time and place for them.  Even when working with low risk pregnancies, a midwife will gladly accompany you to the hospital in ambulance if she sees signs of distress in mom or babe during labour.  However, a midwife’s view of fetal distress is far less conservative (and many, including me, would argue far more accurate) than the hospital’s view

3.             Neither am I ‘against’ a woman’s right to choose whether or not she wishes to receive pain medication, such as an epidural, during labour.  Some people have the misconception that natural childbirth advocates, like myself, are masochistic hippies who decline medication as a matter of principle and competition.  Okay – I may be competitive, may be principled, and may even be turning into a hippy…but I definitely don’t seek pain for pleasure.  The fact of the matter is that hospitals today rely on a downward spiral of inducing medications (such as pitocin) and pain medications (such as epidurals) that continue to counterbalance each other, make each other ‘necessary’, and most importantly – numb and confuse a woman’s intuitive connection with her body.  In a nutshell: induction intensifies contractions to be more painful than in natural childbirth, often causing a woman to feel the need for an epidural – which numbs her, makes it hard to push, and therefore slows labour (thus leading to the cycle of needing yet more pitocin and more epidurals).  There’s a great documentary by Ricki Lake (yup, I said Ricki Lake, the 90s talkshow host) that captures this topic far better than I can:

            http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

So whereas I don’t think less of women who chose pain medication – I do worry that many were not given enough information to make an educated choice…and that many are not given much of a  choice at all, considering how paternalistic the hospital way of managing births can sometimes be.

Finally, I want to end by explaining that I realize I am generalizing when I talk about medically delivered births vs. midwife delivered births.  The only way I know how to discuss the topic is to review the general trends I am aware of.  I appreciate that there are some wonderful nurses and doctors who support women through positive hospital births just like there can be not-so-great midwives who may not be able to create serene homebirths.  However, this blog is a summary of my personal overall opinion – take it or leave it : )