Bana's house

When I had started searching for Kassiah’s dayhome, one of my main questions was ‘will you be the only one taking care of my child?’ (with the hope that the answer would be ‘yes’).  As a parent who happens to be a social worker, my biggest fear about dayhomes is that it involves my child receiving care ‘behind closed doors’ and one of the risks is that there could be friends or family members in the home who I wouldn’t want around my child.  Sure enough, when I first met Shabana (or “Bana” as the kids affectionately call her), she initially laughed when I asked if her family helps with the dayhome, explaining that her husband works full-time and her kids are young adults who have busy lives of their own.  At that time, the answer came as quite a relief to me, since I didn’t know much about them and was happy to leave it at that.  However, as the months have passed, Bana and I have both proved ourselves wrong!

At first, I noticed that Bana’s husband seemed to get pretty excited if he made it home from work before Kassiah had left – offering her a gentle wave and sometimes an Indian sweet or a cookie in exchange for a smile.  Some days when I rang the doorbell expecting to see Bana, her daughter Sarah would emerge instead with Kassiah happily in her arms.  Bana assured me that Kassiah and Sarah were becoming ‘best friends’.  I thought that was pretty sweet, but can’t say I was too surprised since I like to think our ‘Chubz’ is ridiculously cute and Sarah seems drawn to kids.  But the next step did surprise me a bit: eventually even Bana’s grown son, Bilal, became one of Kassiah’s many ‘best-friends’.  Bilal has been home a lot lately, and I think all of his time around Kassiah has made him quite fond of her…and vice versa.  And lastly – Bana’s sister has been in town for a couple of months…and sure enough…guess who became Kassiah’s latest ‘best-friend’?  She loves our little Kassiah so very much that she even sewed her a beautiful dress for her Christmas gift.  It's a beautiful pink and white lace dress with each detail sewn in with the same love that the family gives our little Kassiah each day.

It really seems too good to be true, that Bana’s dayhome happens to literally be ‘around the corner’ from us.  And to top it all off, Bana is not only from Karachi, Pakistan – where Ivan’s and my parents grew up…but even from the same ‘Hussain-D’Silva town’.  This means that Kassiah gets to enjoy the luxury of some Pakistani cooking sometimes – like ‘Kichari’ (dal & rice) for lunch with a doggy bag saved for dinner…or homemade paratha for breakfast.  And yet another reason why I love Bana’s dayhome is that, unlike most dayhomes, she is not filled to the brim with kids.  Regulated dayhomes are allowed 6 full-time kids total and Bana currently has 2 part-time girls and 2 part-time boys in addition to Kassiah.  Thursdays are her ‘full-house’ days when all the kids are there…but otherwise she usually has three, which makes it more manageable for her, and more suitable for an affectionate baby like Kassiah who loves her time with Bana.  On Wednesdays – Kassiah even gets VIP treatment from Bana and the whole family since she is the only one there!  I once called to let Bana know Kassiah was sick on a Wednesday, thinking she would be relieved for a rare, but well-deserved, day off – but she actually sounded disappointed like she and her family were going to miss her : )

I must say that this process of having Kassiah truly become part of Bana’s family has been a wonderfully pleasant surprise.  Ivan and I don’t have to deal with the additional stress of having to worry what Kassiah’s days are like – since we are sure they are filled with love and good care.  When I give Bana’s family some small Christmas gifts as a thank you for everything they do, I’ll also share a copy of this blog so they know just how much we appreciate what they do for Kassiah each day.  And I have a feeling that even when Kassiah outgrows her dayhome and transitions into school in a few years, we will still make the short trip around the corner to visit her second family!

Morning Madness

Hands down, the hardest part of going back to work has been the process of learning how to get our entire family ready and off to our respective work/school/daycare each morning.  As a dose of reality for those single readers who complain about how tired they are each morning (poor you), just wanted to share a typical day in our home…

Disclaimer: The following description involves excessive use of bribery and negotiating, which I do not endorse as appropriate for dealing with a toddler.  However, in the morning, my parenting style tends to switch into survival mode. 

6am – Ivan & I wake up.  He gets showered and ready double time and I do the basics…if I’m lucky – hit the can, brush my teeth, tie my bedhead into a pony tail and perhaps switch from pajamas into sweats.

6:30am – Ivan wakes Kassiah up and gets her dressed.  I open Rya’s door, and prevent a meltdown by allowing her to wake up on her own with the bit of light and noise that seeps into her room over the next few minutes.  I head down to the couch with Chubz, who says ‘this’ while she points to my boob and grabs it out of my shirt if I haven’t already done so.  While she nurses, I brush her hair and stick a couple of pig tails in it.

6:45am – Ivan bolts out the door, usually forgetting his lunch and/or cell

phone, to make his daily 45 minute commute to the other end of town (which as Torontonians we would have scoffed at, but as Calgarians – that’s quite a trek).  Usually Rya wakes up around this time, so Chubz and I go upstairs to get her and I walk back down with one in each arm.  I plop them both on the couch and put on some good old Sesame Street.  I gently warn Rya that we need to get ready for school soon and she stalls by saying something like ‘just a minute, I need to watch t.v. first’.  I negotiate with her to avoid another meltdown.

6:46am – Rya says ‘pee-pee’ so I take both girls to the bathroom and sit Rya on the pot where she simultaneously pees and asks for a treat, like a well-trained dog.  I hand her a fruit snack and she says ‘and one for my sister’ – so I hand her another and Chubz is very grateful.

6:47am – I start changing Rya’s clothes and she stalls by saying something like ‘just a minute, let me eat my treat first, like quickly, like hurry’. I negotiate to prevent another meltdown and pretend I have control by saying ‘okay, but then you have to get ready nicely’. 

6:49am – I start to change Rya into the clothes I have already laid on the couch the night before, while she squirms and complains they’re itchy.  Then, I give Rya her asthma puffers, get her to gargle, and then brush her teeth.

6:52am – I try to brush Rya’s crazy hair, she yanks her head away saying it hurts so I quickly get the worst knots out and throw it in a pony tail that looks almost as messy as my own.

6:53am - I leave Rya on the couch and take Chubz to the mud room to wrestle on her boots, mitts, hat, and jacket, before heading into the garage to stick her in the car.

6:55am – I return to the couch with Rya’s outerwear, only to be told that she ‘needs’ some random object, like a highlighter or flashlight, from the farthest end of the house.  I tell her no and she starts to lose her mind a little so I drop an F-bomb in my head and search for her object.  I pretend I’m in control by saying ‘Rya, I will get it and then we need to get ready nicely, okay?’

6:56am – I put on Rya’s boots, mitts, hat, and jacket – then she tells me she wants a different coloured set today so I switch them in a desperate attempt to get her out the door. 

6:58 – I come back in the house to collect my own jacket and sanity, before starting the car.

7:00 – drive around the corner to Kassiah’s dayhome and carry her to the door, while dropping at least one of her boots in the snow. 

7:05am – drive a few more minutes down the road to Rya’s daycare, therapizing her on the way about ‘let’s try no crying today’.  I get Rya out of the car and head toward the door, but she insists I let her touch the Christmas tree light before heading inside…and I unenthusiastically oblige – seeing that it represents the light at the end of the tunnel.

7:06am – sit down in a big comfy chair in the lobby with Rya to ‘take a deep breath’ before heading into school.  I help Rya out of her outerwear, into her indoor shoes and hand her off to her teacher.  I give her a thumbs up and she tries to the do the same – but usually uses her pointer finger by accident.

7:08am – I head back to the car, getting dirty looks from the other parents who somehow must have a mysterious hair and makeup team helping them get ready in the morning.

7:13 – tell myself I don’t need Timmy’s today and then find myself driving to Timmy’s.

7:25am - get back home to shower, change, and treat myself to an omelette as a reward for my hard work.

8am – head out for work to ‘start my day’!!!