Halfway There!

I’m back to the stage of pregnancy that most women love best: 2^nd trimester.  Nausea and fatigue are behind me, my belly is taking shape, and for the last few weeks I’ve been starting to feel some ‘flutters’ from baby’s movements.  Initially, I had some definite cravings – sour candy (which I never otherwise eat), iced tea (which I generally love, and always love more when I’m preggo), and thankfully – more fruit than usual (the latest are mangoes & watermelon).  I was starting to have some heartburn but decided I really don’t wanna deal with it this time, so I’ve been taking prescription medication that seems to be working so far. Usually I tend to wait until I’m massive and almost immobile before seeing a chiropractor, but this time I’ve been proactive and my hips are thanking me.  I’m 19 weeks now, so almost halfway to the finish line, and trying to enjoy this ‘good stage’ while it lasts.

Since I’ll be back in this boat soon, and since I have a few first-time mom friends who are almost ready to pop, I thought I’d finally blog about a topic I’ve been putting off for years: breastfeeding.  For me, breastfeeding has been a really positive and relatively easy process with both girls.  As newborns, both Mariah and Kassiah figured out how to ‘latch’ almost instantly, so I was lucky to just go with the flow (no pun intended).  Even with this simple start, breastfeeding was still quite painful at first – but for me, that normal soreness subsided after a week or two.  After that, the experience started to feel natural, calming, even enjoyable since it gave baby and I opportunities to cuddle and stare at each other.  Co-sleeping also made the experience quite easy since I would eventually just roll over and give baby a snack, without interrupting my own sleep too much.  But the more ease I’ve had with breastfeeding, the more I’ve learned never to take it for granted.  Some of my closest friends have had a completely different experience than mine.  For many women, breastfeeding can feel like a torture experiment in emotional and physical pain thresholds.  Their newborn baby needs milk, their bodies are ‘supposed’ to produce this milk, but for whatever reason, nature just doesn’t cooperate.  Sometimes baby can’t figure out how to latch properly, sometimes mom’s milk supply is too low or too high, sometimes there is no magic answer.  Unfortunately the cycle seems to intensify quickly since mom’s nipples can become sore and cracked, which as you would guess, makes it excruciating to nurse the hungry baby.  And all the while, everyone around them asks about the process – directly or indirectly, with the general expectation that everything is fine. 

As with almost every element of baby care, society seems to generously offer unlimited amounts of advice and judgment.  As many of my friends tried to manage their internal guilt and sadness about difficulty breastfeeding, they would be met with additional pressure from people around them.  When they broke the shameful silence and admitted that breastfeeding was not going well, many were lectured by friends, family, doctors, even doulas, about the benefits of breastmilk vs. formula.  Many women are urged to ‘not give up’ and pressured to try a range of medical or natural remedies to aid the process with the promise that ‘it will get easier’.  Now I’m not saying that it can’t – for some it does.  And I’m not saying there isn’t evidence about the benefits of breastmilk and the bonding of nursing.  But – for a new mom who is struggling to maintain her sanity and trying hard to determine whether she has the strength to continue attempts at nursing, that information starts to feel like harsh propaganda.  The stats become arrows that strike the hearts of already emotionally torn women, and make their ‘decision’ much harder.  I think the most important thing a woman can receive in this situation is the unconditional, overwhelming, non-judgmental support to do (or not do) what feels instinctively comfortable to them.  Whether that means supplementing with the odd bottle of formula to give mom a well-deserved break now and then, or switching completely to formula if breastfeeding is more painful than it is enjoyable – that decision should be up to mom. 

As someone who lucked out with breastfeeding, I soon realized I was still not immune to the criticism and opinions of others.  Even in a society where Human Rights Laws justify the natural act of breastfeeding as perfectly acceptable in public, reality will often tell a different story.  Since newborns pretty much need to nurse all the time, a large percentage of these feedings are bound to happen in public spaces.  Generally, I tried to use a nursing cover for my own comfort and preference, but sometimes this made baby too hot and often made it harder for me to see what I was doing and get them settled.  Again, just about the worst thing in that situation is being told (either overtly or just with some subtle glares or facial expressions) that what you are doing is ‘not appropriate’.  Another area I received unsolicited advice on, was about my ‘decision’ to continue anti-depressant medication while breastfeeding.  The old-school mentality was essentially to not consume anything that ‘could’ potentially harm your baby during pregnancy or breastfeeding.  This works lovely for the people around mom, who can offer their advice without dealing with the consequences.  But again, for those of us who may already be struggling with our own mixed emotions, it can be completely aggravating or hurtful, depending on the day.  I’ve had a pharmacist angrily ask me ‘do you know this is unsafe for your baby?’, while reluctantly filling a prescription that was obviously from a doctor who felt it was okay.  I think I confidently responded by telling him I was aware of the very minimal risks, and felt the tremendous benefits of being able to emotionally care for my baby were more important.  In retrospect, I kind of wish my response involved some swearing, or at least sarcasm like: ‘Oh my gosh, really? How silly of me to consider my own health important.  Let me just throw out these unnecessary pills and try to ignore the symptoms of post-partum depression!”.  A really amazing website for any expecting or new mom around informing our decisions on what substances truly do have significant levels of risk and others that may not is: motherisk.org. 

Finally, on a positive note about breastfeeding, I would just like to share that I apparently have super-lactating powers that may never disappear.  Kassiah refused to stop nursing until she was two, and a few months later she gave me a sad puppy dog look and requested a ‘drink’.  I laughed and obliged, assuming that my milk supply would be long gone and she would realize it was a waste of time.  But sure enough – after a couple minutes of trying – she was successful.  I thought it was a one-time mystery, but every few months, she has made an attempt and my milk magically re-appears for those few minutes and then seems to vanish without a trace.  I’m hoping this is a sign that breastfeeding will go just as easily with baby #3…but I guess I’ll also have to keep Kassiah at arm’s length so she doesn’t try any funny business.