Mariah's Evening Job

Before having kids, Ivan and I always agreed on the fact that they should be raised with a good work ethic.  Our moms both did a pretty good job of making sure we helped out around the house.  So it would only be fair if we passed those same values down to our kids.  And since Mariah is pretty mobile and capable these days, we figured we might as well start early. 

Mariah’s chores begin the moment she arrives home from her dayjob.  When daddy brings her in from the car, she knows it is her responsibility to press the garage door button and has her hand outstretched waiting to complete the task.  Once inside, Mariah often spends a few minutes removing all of the shoes from the coat closet before making her way into the kitchen.  If mommy is unloading the dishwasher, Mariah quickly does her part by handing me one piece of cutlery at a time, muttering to herself as she does.  I then return the favour by passing her one recyclable object at a time, which she carefully takes to the bin and dumps inside before returning for a high five.  Then she moves on to her routine inspection of the house to see what else needs to be done.  Mariah can often be found in the pantry, where she likes to re-arrange my perfectly categorized shelves.  It used to be logical to check the baking shelf for sugar or the tea shelf for earl grey…but now Ivan & I need to search the entire pantry for the items Mariah has moved around.  She must have gotten her chores mixed up last week since we found garlic in a shoe!  (But Ivan says Mariah was just protecting the house from vampires).  If we, i.e. Ivan, are busy cooking dinner, Mariah tries to help by pulling out the mixing bowls and stirring invisible ingredients together.  Once dinner is served, Mariah reminds us that she’s not a baby by refusing to wear a bib, yet insisting that she feeds herself with a combination of her hands and the spoon (which appears highly uncoordinated and ineffective).  She then requests a couple of mandarin oranges or a banana, which she eats like a grown up in its entirety, for dessert. 

Finally, Mariah leads us upstairs to unwind a bit.  She gladly gets into her bath and meticulously stacks and unstacks her bath toys.  Afterward, she insists that I put some body lotion on her hands so she can help apply it to herself.  Mariah wanders around in her pajamas for a while – catching a few minutes of her favourite shows and playing with her favourite toys.  Then she and daddy begin their new nightly exercise ritual.  Ivan does his 20-minute workout of push-ups, sit-ups, weights, and stretches... and Mariah follows along every step of the way.  She’s actually pretty good at mimicking the actions, while avoiding being hit by swinging dumbbells.  And eventually, when daddy has drained the last bit of energy out of her, Mariah joins mommy for a snuggle on the couch where we both crash before heading to our beds.  

Mariah's Dayjob

Many people have been asking us lately how Mariah has been doing at her dayhome, and the only way to answer that question accurately is to say ‘she has her days!’.  Veronica has been very patient with Mariah’s transition into the dayhome, and it seems like every time we all start to think Mariah is finally settling in…she proves us wrong.  Whenever Mariah attends consistently, she seems to understand the routine and feel comfortable during the day.  However, any small schedule changes – like winter holidays, sick days, or long weekends – seem to result in Veronica needing to start from scratch with Mariah’s training. 

Most days Veronica finds the time to e-mail parents about their child’s day and some of these anecdotes have been so priceless that I thought I would try to summarize them into this blog entry.  To give you a bit of background, Veronica has 4 children at her dayhome during the day, as well as her own to children before and after school.  In addition to Mariah, there is a little boy a few months older than her, and two girls aged 3 and 4.  The girls adore Mariah and have always been gentle and nurturing to her.  And the little boy seems content to have a new ‘bud’ close to his own age.  Now, how Mariah treats the children and Veronica depends on what side of the bed she woke up on.

On her bad days…

Mariah seems to think that the dayhome is a show that’s put on in her honour.  She makes it clear that her role is to be the ‘baby’ and declares that Veronica must not pay any attention to the other children.  On these days, Mariah wants Veronica to carry her all the time, and she throws a tantrum if Veronica talks to the other children or even tries to feed or change them.  When she doesn’t get her way, Mariah screams, throws toys, knocks food out of Veronica’s hand, and simply acts like a rebellious little monkey.  These days also usually involve 10-20 minute naps abruptly ended by a stubborn Mariah who decides she would rather continue being a bully than waste time sleeping.  I truly don’t know how Veronica survives these rough days and am terrified that it foreshadows the jealousy that will appear when Mariah meets her baby sister in a few months.  But I’m also hopeful that the dayhome is giving Mariah a good opportunity to learn some social skills and realize she can’t always be the centre of attention before she acquires a sibling.

On her good days…

Mariah is a completely different baby.  She plays well with the other children and even treats Veronica a little kinder.  She dances around energetically and sometimes falls over laughing at the small things she finds funny.  Mariah shows her affectionate side by sharing hugs and kisses – which are welcomed by Veronica and the girls, yet taken with an awkward caution by the boy who isn’t quite sure how to get away.  In fact, one day Mariah made herself quite comfortable in his lap and when he tried to squeeze his legs out from under her, she just scooted back over until he gave up and sat there helplessly.  Aside from being overwhelmed by her touchy feely side, this little boy does seem to enjoy her company.  When Veronica takes the clan for a walk, Mariah and the little boy sit together in a wagon and babble to each other, laughing at each other’s ‘jokes’ the whole way.  On these good days, Mariah eats well, and when Veronica puts her down for nap time, she just gets comfy in the playpen and sleeps for a couple of solid hours. 

Although it’s hard to hear about her rough days (and I’m sure it’s even harder for Veronica to experience them), I would like to think that they’re getting fewer and farther between.  Mariah’s many good days leave Ivan and I feeling content at work, knowing that she’s having a ball and not being too much of a handful.  Fingers crossed that it continues to go in that direction!

The Pregnancy Dilemma

If you’ve never been pregnant yourself, take a minute to think about what you know (or think you know) about pregnancy.  Do the first ideas that come to mind include a list of things not to do?!?  Before experiencing pregnancy myself, I remember ignorantly asking pregnant friends and family members if they were ‘allowed’ to do some of the things I saw them doing: drinking coffee, flying, lifting heavy objects, etc.  When I finally became pregnant myself and educated on the subject, I’ve begun to find it highly irritating to have my actions questioned by others.  I realize that people usually don’t intend to be judgmental or insensitive; they’re just verbalizing the many pregnancy myths they’ve learned through the media or other sources.  So allow me to use this forum to dispel some of those many myths:

Caffeine

Myth – Consuming any amount of caffeine during pregnancy can cause miscarriage or preterm birth

Fact – The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists suggest that having about a cup of coffee a day during pregnancy is safe

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Health/20100722/caffeine-pregnancy-100722/

Flying during pregnancy

Myth – Women should not fly after about 6 months of pregnancy since it may cause preterm labour

Fact – Unless a women is experiencing pregnancy complications, most doctors agree it is safe to fly until full-term or 36 weeks.  Even then, the major concern is simply that women at full-term can go into normal labour unexpectedly…so an aircraft may not be an ideal place to be.  Since airlines have their own policies on this subject, pregnant women may need a note from their doctor or midwife confirming they are able to fly.

http://www.pregnancy-info.net/wellbeing_flying.html

Lifting heavy objects

Myth – Pregnant women could harm their baby by lifting heavy objects or engaging in strenuous physical activity.

Fact – Studies show that lifting up to 25 pounds during pregnancy is safe when done correctly and that the only risk of lifting heavier objects is that mom could injure herself rather than harming her baby.  As well, women are encouraged to continue the same level of exercise they were comfortable with prior to pregnancy in order to maintain a healthy body.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/20023745/ns/today-today_health/t/debunking-myths-about-pregnancy-hazards/#.Ty1_L5jlDao

Foods to avoid

Myth – Eating foods such as soft cheeses, sushi, hot dogs, and sandwich meat are unsafe during pregnancy

Fact – Doctors used to warn against eating these foods during pregnancy since they have a higher risk of carrying Listeria or Salmonella.  However, current research shows that it is so rare to contract such infections from these foods that there is no need to completely rule them out, so long as they’re bought from reputable places.  In terms of raw or cooked seafood, pregnant women should simply limit their intake of high mercury seafood, such as tuna.

This is been the most liberating discovery I’ve made recently since I have a slight addiction to sushi!

http://www.motherisk.org/prof/updatesDetail.jsp?content_id=925

Hopefully some of this information can help society shift from viewing pregnancy as a medical condition or disability, to seeing it as a natural part of women’s lives.  I don’t think this means we should stop offering pregnant women a seat on the bus, as long as it’s an offer that comes without judgment if she declines.

One final, and more controversial, thought to consider is how society treats women who use drugs or alcohol during pregnancy.  We all know that substance abuse can cause serious harm to unborn babies.  However, I think it’s also important to recognize the complex role that addiction plays in many lives.  If pregnancy could magically end a body’s desire for a substance, then it would probably be recommended as a detox treatment…but it’s not.  So before giving a lecture or dirty look to a pregnant women who is smoking a cigarette, just remember that since men don’t get pregnant, they are conveniently excused of all judgment when it comes to substance abuse.  I’m not saying I condone substance use during pregnancy.  But on a larger scale than the other myths discussed in this blog, I think this can be another way that women are oppressed by judgment as a result of being pregnant.

Hard at work

With Ivan’s parental leave over, he and I are both back at work during the day, while Mariah attends her dayhome.  It’s a bit of an adjustment not having either of us home to catch up on laundry or tidying.  But then again, the house is much cleaner when it’s empty all day.  Our new routine is for me to drop Mariah off at dayhome in the morning, since Ivan starts too early for us diva’s to get ready…and he picks her up in the afternoon.  I’m lucky to have Wednesdays off – which is such a nice treat in the middle of the week!  Mariah and I got to sleep in a little bit this morning, lounge around in our pajamas, and we’ve started attending a sign language class for babies.  While the younger babies obediently watch the instructor sing songs and teach signs, Mariah prances around the room sometimes heading for the door and telling us all ‘bye’…sometimes making herself comfortable in another mom’s lap without an invitation. 

Veronica, her dayhome provider, tells us Mariah’s transition has been a bit of a roller coaster.  Many days, Mariah clings to Veronica and tantrums if she even dares to pay attention to the other children.  Mariah sometimes refuses to eat, or worse yet, refuses to nap, so by afternoon she becomes an irritable little ball of cranky toddler.  Other days, she eats double servings, plays with the kids, and let’s Veronica breathe here and there.  Since there are so many activities and things to do there, I have a feeling Mariah almost thinks of the dayhome as her own little ‘job’.  We’ve noticed she often brings her work home these days since she feels the need to keep busy in the evenings.  She’s lost interest in most of her toys, but has become very drawn to tedious, repetitive tasks (I’m pretty sure she gets that from me).  Mariah has a basket full of clips in the kitchen that somehow keeps her entertained for far too long.  She shoves those little clips into boxes, pretends they’re phones, and the novelty has yet to wear off.  Mariah also has discovered the joy of magnets.  She takes one at a time and moves them from the fridge to the dishwasher and back again – with a look of determination in her eyes that says ‘wow, I’m being productive…too bad this job really never ends!’.  I joke with Ivan that she must have been raised in the Jackson household since apparently Michael’s dad used to make him and his brothers move a pile of bricks back and forth on their front lawn to keep them out of trouble and teach them discipline (harsh parenting…but I guess it worked!). 

In addition to finding Mariah’s futile tasks entertaining, I also try to remind myself that she’s a good mirror.  Who’s to say that her work is any less important than mine or yours?  She’s staying active, keeping herself entertained, and appears happy in the process, which is more than many of us can say.  It’s so easy to get caught up with the hussle & bussle of life that sometimes we all get tunnel vision and forget to have fun.  So watching Mariah is a good reminder that it’s great to have focus and strong work ethic as long as you remember to be a child (or one at heart) afterward.

1 Year Later

As you might know, our little cupcake recently turned 1 year old.  A lot of people have asked me if I can believe a year has flown by…and the question really stumps me.  In a way, Mariah’s precious baby moments have moved too quickly since babies literally grow and develop right before our eyes.  But on the other hand, this has also felt like the longest year of my own life since time can inch by slowly when you’re home with a baby…and since it feels like a lifetime ago that Mariah was a tiny newborn.  Some people describe this parenthood phenomenon through the quote “the days move slowly, but the years move quickly” – I’ve found this to be very true.  And despite some of the long days being challenging, each one had its place in teaching me about the illusion of time.  I’ve come to the conclusion that life can move forward as slowly or as quickly as we let it, so it’s probably a good balance to experience some busy days filled with work and adventure, and some slow days to help us be mindful and present.

Mariah’s development has continued to spiral forward in the last few months.  Around 8 months, Mariah learned how to backtrack down the stairs and also learned how to wave ‘bye’ around the same time – so she often combines the two and takes off when she needs a change of scenery.  Her musical talents flourished at 9 months when she started clapping, ‘singing’ (which she does in a very throaty gaaa noise) and dancing.  At 10 months, Mariah turned her ba-ba-ing into a more defined ‘ba-bye’ and knows to do this while waving when someone is leaving.  This was helpful timing since we started transitioning Mariah into her dayhome at 11 months.  After just a few tough days, she started waving ba-bye to us in the morning and has gradually become more and more comfortable with her loving caregiver and new ‘friends’.  And perhaps just to check it off her milestone list, Mariah literally started walking on her first birthday.  She had been taking a step or two for several weeks, but seemed to prefer the safety of crawling.  I guess she was just waiting until she felt ready since she skipped over the wobbly speed-walking stage and just started walking independently with pretty good control.  Her moves are still a bit zombie-ish at this point, but she gets from a to b.  Unfortunately, ‘b’ has included all the things we would prefer her not to touch.  Every now and then when Ivan and I lose track of her for a minute, we hear a ‘clank, splash, splash’ and sure enough she’s swooshing a facecloth in the toilet bowl with a smile on her face.  Yesterday, I learned that my mom had forgotten a lipstick at our house when Mariah emerged from her bedroom with colourful lips and hands.  And just when you think you can get mad at her – she uses her cute magic to make you crack a smile.  She’s recently started laughing like an adult who is having a serious chuckle – she throws her head back in a whiplash motion and then tucks her chin down to her chest like every situation is the funniest moment she has ever experienced.  Mariah does this in public for cashiers and waitresses who indulge her in the attention she loves…in fact she’s been called a ‘ham’ by two different strangers in the last week!  She loves being a comedian like her dad, and I’m sure once she starts talking, there will be plenty of funny lines coming out of her mouth.

I suppose Mariah’s magical charm might have wiped away our memory of how hard raising a baby is…since Ivan and I have decided to start it all over again.  We are happy to say that we’re 12 weeks pregnant, so Mariah and her new brother or sister will be just a year and a half apart!