The Switcheroo

Before becoming a mom, I sometimes used to wish that my family could afford to live on one income so that I could be a stay-at-home mom.  But then again, I used to think a lot of crazy thoughts about parenthood before becoming a parent!  Don’t get me wrong – I don’t look down on parents who choose to be home with their kids.  In fact, it’s just the opposite.  I have realized over the past several months that staying home to raise a family is the hardest job anyone could ever have, and I give credit to those who can manage it.  However, after several months of mixed emotions on the topic, I have finally admitted to myself that I was not cut out to be at home full-time.  I love being a mom, but to be honest, I didn’t always ‘like’ being a stay-at-home one. 

As I’ve reflected about before on this blog, I’m a task-oriented person who needs a certain level of structure and predictability in my day-to-day life.  And apparently I didn’t read the fine print when I signed on to be home with Mariah, since those were not actually in the job description.  While some moms dread the end of their maternity leave, I had a strong urge to return to work about halfway through mine.  There were lots of factors that made it tough to be home: feeling isolated without a 2^nd car, being trapped indoors during bad weather, and dealing with my post-partum mood (which is on the top of my blogging priority list and I promise to get to one of these days!).  I envied Ivan’s ability to be a parent when he was home, but also have the escape of adult-life when he was at work.  At first I felt guilty about wanting time away from Mariah, but have realized that it’s a very normal thing to want a career outside of the home, to create a sense of balance.

Lucky for me, while I was busy envying Ivan’s life, he was busy doing the same.  In some ways, I wanted to hand him parental leave as payback, like ‘fine, you think it’s so easy…then enjoy’!  But to be honest, Ivan has done a great job of validating how hard being home with a baby is, and how much he appreciated me for doing it.  And for any of you who know Ivan, you know it would be unfortunate if he didn’t have an opportunity for some parental leave.  Ivan is a rare breed of man – the type that not only enjoys cooking, cleaning, and taking care of a baby, but is also amazing at all of those tasks!  In fact, my sister-in-law & I sometimes complain to each other about how our husbands make domestic work look so easy it hurts our ego.  But I suppose that really isn’t a marital issue to complain over, is it? 

So with Mariah being 9 months old and essentially weaned from breastfeeding, we decided that I would return to work and let Ivan take the last 3 months of parental leave.  Just one week into our new lives – we are all much happier people.  I feel great to put on something other than pajamas or sweats in the morning…and am actually motivated to wear a bit of makeup and attempt to be somewhat fashionable, despite having minimal interest (and skill) in either of those pre-baby.  Driving, making phonecalls, going to meetings, and even doing paperwork, bring me a sense of identity beyond being a mom.  I’m sure a lot of my comfort in returning to work also has to do with the fact that I am at ease knowing Mariah is in good hands with her dad at home.  Ivan is a teacher through and through, so I usually return home to witness his impressive skills at making anything into a game.  And needless to say, Mariah is having a ball with her new best friend too.  Whereas she used to cling to me, she is now quickly developing an equally strong and important bond with her daddy.  Her face lights up when she sees him and she always has a smile for him.

I’m sure life will become a bit more overwhelming and stressful when we’re both working in a few months.  But for now, I’m enjoying the luxury of a smooth transition opportunity for the three of us.