After 9 long months, our family is finally basking in the luxury of full night's sleeps. Before Mariah arrived, Ivan and I weren't exactly sure where we wanted her to sleep. We both have fond memories of sleeping in our parents' beds, so we wanted that same coziness but also bought a bassinet and crib just incase. The night Mariah was born, the midwives asked us where she would be sleeping and Ivan & I both looked at each other unsure of the answer. She was so tiny and fragile that we wanted to keep her as close as possible, but were also a bit scared of squooshing her in our bed. We ended up keeping her nestled between us, and there she stayed for many months to follow. At first I told myself that I would move her to the bassinet once I recovered from childbirth, since it was physically difficult to get up for each feed. But by that time, she (and we) had become so used to co-sleeping that it was nearly impossible to peel Mariah away from us. In fact, even when we placed her in the middle of our bed as a newborn, she would somehow find a way to squirm her way over to mommy for cuddles at night. Since co-sleeping is very 'normal' in our culture, our families assured us that it was perfectly fine, while others warned us that it was the worst thing we could do. As an impressionable and indecisive person, I was emotionally torn and felt like I was 'failing' at the job of getting Mariah into her crib.
Over the last several months, our sleeping arrangements have taught me that, like most parenting practices, there really is no right or wrong. Now, I'm a black and white thinker who thrives on following rules and specific instructions. So needless to say, this realization has been a challenge for me. But the I am learning that there are benefits and consequences to every option, and that parents need to make the decision that works best for themselves and their children. The benefits of co-sleeping include priceless bonding, a sense of reassurance for baby and her parents, and our doula even told us that it has been proven to reduce SIDS since a mother's breath helps circulate that of her baby. This last piece is highly controversial since public health insists that co-sleeping is an unsafe practice due to the possibility of suffocation or injury. I would never argue that they are completely wrong, since some studies have proven an increased risk in certain situations, like when a parent is obese or under the influence...but I don't think it's fair to cast co-sleeping with a blanket statement (pun intended) of being unsafe either. As with many other practices, (like midwifery for example!), co-sleeping has been done safely in various indigenous and traditional cultures around the world for ages and is finally starting to receive recognition in North America.
However, one major challenge of co-sleeping is that it can make it tough for nursing moms to sleep. As Mariah grew, she learned that if she bullied me enough at night, I would give-in and breastfeed her. When teething started at four months, she began to wake every hour or two...which meant I had to wake every hour or two. And since every minute of sleep is crucial for a new mom's mood and energy levels (which I promise to blog about one of these days)...we decided to try transitioning Mariah to her crib around six months. We started by using an attachment method in which you go to baby each and every time she cries to settle her, with the hope that her need for reassurance will diminish. Throughout Ivan's summer holidays, we gave it our best - taking turns waking all night, but nearly 2 months later - no such luck. Mariah continued to wake throughout the night and I was too exhausted to continue tending to her, so I gave up and she returned to our bed for another few weeks.
Just when I was at my wits end, I heard from some friends that Dr. Ferber, who had made a name for himself in the 80s with his controversial sleep training program, had written a new book that was a bit less harsh. Ferber's "progressive waiting" approach involves putting baby in her crib when she's sleepy and leaving her alone for an increasing number of minutes each night so that she learns to fall asleep on her own. It was definitely torture to hear Mariah crying her heart out and then walking into her room to check on her, only to leave her again. But sure enough, after just one weekend, Mariah learned how to sleep through the night in her own crib. In fact, she even seems relieved these days when she's dozing off and we lay her down on her familiar blanket. I still take naps with her to squeeze in some extra cuddle time, and we hope to have some cozy family slumber parties in the future when she understands that it's just a treat. But for now, the three of us seem to be much happier and better rested with Mariah in her crib. I'll try not to jinx myself, since I realize we may have some hiccups down the road with teething and colds. But if this week is any indication of Mariah's resilience, we're doing alright: we're on vacation visiting Grandma and Mariah is sound asleep in her playpen...hence the opportunity to blog!
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