Mariah's Namesake

Today is the 10-year death anniversary for Ivan’s mom, Maria, who passed away in a car accident a couple of years before I met him.  Apparently, she used to joke that she wanted to change her name to Mariah since it was prettier, so that’s how our Mariah got her name.

From the many stories I’ve heard about Maria, she was described as a warm, funny, and down to earth person who had a unique passion for life.  She enjoyed bringing family and friends together for camping trips, finding fun things to do with her kids on a small budget, and even making the time to do kind things for others.  In fact, before she died, she was enrolled in a college program for volunteer coordination.  Maria was the proud mother of three boys who have all grown into sweet and sensitive men.  The fact that Ivan is taking sewing lessons to make baby blankets today is just a small testament to the rare and carefully skilled way she raised her sons.  When I’ve seen Maria in old family videotapes, her smile and laughter struck me as genuinely contagious.  She truly seemed like a positive human being who made the most of her time on earth by spreading this happiness with each person she crossed paths with. 

When I think about her now, I’m overcome with sadness for Ivan, his dad, and his brothers who lost part of themselves when she died.  Ivan will proudly admit to being a mama’s boy who enjoyed ‘hanging out’ with his mom even during his teenage years, when most kids would rather be out with friends.  He loved and respected his mom so very much, that I can feel it in the way he loves me – it’s not just a cliché that you can tell a lot about a man by the relationship he had with his mother. 

With each milestone in life, Ivan has grieved over not having his mom by his side with him – his graduation, his wedding day, and now his entry into fatherhood.  Although Ivan doesn’t talk much about emotional things (he may sew, but he’s still a male)…I know that he wishes, more than anything, that his mom could be here today – so that she could watch his amazing chrysalis into parenthood, and so that he could watch her equally amazing chrysalis into 'grandma-hood' that she would have loved, without a doubt. 

I’m sad for Mariah and her cousins who lost the opportunity to have someone like Maria in their lives.  And selfishly, despite having never met her, I’m sad for myself since I have a feeling we would have gotten along pretty well.  She doesn’t sound like the type of overbearing mother-in-law that some women dread.  Rather, she sounds like someone I would have enjoyed walking and talking with, someone I would have learned a lot from…and probably someone I would have had deal-finding competitions with!  To me, she sounds like the glue that held her family together…the type of mom I can only aspire to be.

In fitting with Maria’s positive outlook on life, I’ll end by reflecting on how she’s here today.  Ivan is a believer in the concept of ‘spiritual genetics’ – that the spirit, or core essence of a person, can travel through time into generations to follow.  Now that Mariah is here, this theory makes a lot more sense to me.  Not only does our daughter have a strong resemblance to her namesake, but I would like to think she has some of her spiritual energy too.  We’ve started to daydream about how we might see more similarities as the years spiral forward.  Only time will tell.  But that element of mystery, that we will catch glimpses of Maria in our daughter at moments we didn’t expect, is part of the beauty of it all.  And whereas Ivan used to feel close to his mom again when he visited her grave, he now feels her presence in a far more powerful way.  Each time he gazes into his daughter’s eyes, they reunite.