Dear Me

Here I am with just a few weeks left to go (give or take) before baby #3 arrives.  I finished work yesterday and am feeling very ready to put my feet up, in between chasing kids.  I was still feeling pretty good up until recently, and tried to tell myself I would ‘enjoy’ the remainder of this last pregnancy without wishing for it to be done.  But I guess I had forgotten how uncomfortable and exhausting the final stretch can be.  I still consider myself among the lucky preggo’s – I don’t have swollen hands or feet; nausea ended a long time ago; I’m told by shocked women around me that I generally look pretty happy and content.  But I definitely still have a constantly evolving list of complaints: I get dizzy when I stand for too long; my back aches in the evening and feels like it’s going to fall apart when I attempt to toss & turn at night; and baby’s head is pushing down so low that I kinda wish I could wear a Mumu 24-7.  The logical part of my brain is thankful my babies are not premature and are in the correct birthing position…but the emotional part of my brain doesn’t give a $#!* and misses feeling like a ‘normal’ human being. 

When I’m not consumed with all these current issues, my thoughts start to wander to the exciting and chaotic life that awaits, around the corner.  We are all getting very anxious to meet our sweet little Isaiah and I’m sure we will all love him to pieces.  But I’m also trying to mentally prepare, as best I can, for all the wild and crazy elements of life with a newborn (and in this case + two other kiddos).  I figure my post-partum self may need a pep talk from the person who knows her best, so here goes an extended note to self:

Dear Me,

By the time you read this, you will have already met and fallen in love with your little boy – how exciting?!?  I hope that your labour and homebirth were as positive as the first two experiences.  Sorry that Ivan wasn’t able to finish renovating the ensuite in time – hopefully the birthing pool worked out well instead.   Did the Doula’s help him know exactly what to do and say to be supportive?  Did the midwife follow through on her promise to let him help ‘catch’ the baby?  If it was anything like the first two, I’m sure things went smoothly and the scary painful part didn’t last too long.

Despite having your amazing new baby to bring you love, I’m sure you are also going through some rough moments that come part and parcel with a having newborn.  You may catch yourself asking “what was I thinking?”, “why did I ever listen to Ivan’s rationale for wanting a third?”, “how am I ever going to manage all of this?”.  You will probably find yourself wishing you could rewind to a time where you felt more sane and in control.  You will definitely have moments when you are so irritable that the slightest thing Ivan or the kids do, will cause you to burst into tears and feel miserable for a little while.  Given all the insanity you are dealing with right now, I thought you would appreciate some words of advice and a few small gifts…

On Ivan:

Yes – he has always snored; he has always mumbled; he has always chewed his food too loudly for your liking.  Those things are just a tad more noticeable and irritating now because you are feeling sensitive, and let’s face it: ‘hormonal’.  Try to remember that despite being the handy, kindergarten teaching, SuperDad that many wives envy – Ivan is still a man, and therefore will still drive you crazy.  He will continue to ask you what time appointments are three times before checking the calendar; he will lose his keys and wallet several times per day; and he will spend hours in the garage if you give him permission to go tinker for ‘a couple of minutes’.  As Hal once admitted on ‘Malcolm in the Middle’, all a husband can really offer you is his full obedience.  Ivan will never decipher from your body language or subtle hints that you are hungry, tired or in need of a break from the kids.  But if you tell him these things in clear sentences, along with specific instructions on how to help (no more than 2 steps at a time, of course), he will do his best to make you happy. 

On Mariah:

Your darling girl has probably become even more of a little mother hen.  She will be helpful in many ways, and unhelpful in many ways, but try to keep thanking her for her efforts – she means well and takes pride in being useful. 

On Kassiah:

Diggs will probably be following her sister’s lead in trying to do all the things for Isaiah that she is barely capable of doing for herself.  At some moments she will love him to bits, and at others she will be an angry little ball of jealousy.  Try to squeeze in some extra hugs and kisses with her as she adjusts out of her role as the baby.

On You:

You are an amazing mom!  You may not feel like it, at times, but this is one gig you are truly good at…and you need to remind yourself of that.  Be proud of the happy moments you create with the kids instead of feeling guilty about the few when you lose patience with them.  Try to congratulate yourself for the three chores you get done in a week rather than kicking yourself for the seven you didn’t get to.  When you feel frazzled and embarrassed for dropping Mariah to school late, remind yourself that her Kindergarten attendance won't count toward university…and that it’s a miracle you got yourself and three kids dressed and out the door.  When tears are rolling down your cheek ‘for no reason’, remind yourself they will pass and that it’s normal to feel upset given the physical and emotional roller coaster you are on.  Remember to tell Ivan when you need an hour by yourself – and use it for yourself…take a bubble bath, read a book, squeeze in a blog!  Your sleep deprivation plays a big role on your mood.  Baby will start to give you longer stretches soon; in the meantime be sure to nap when the kids are napping instead of trying to ‘catch up’ on the never ending pile of laundry.  Make sure you eat and drink regularly so you have the energy to keep the kids well taken care of too.  And when you’ve done everything you can and it’s still not enough – call a good friend who can validate all of your venting and make you smile. 

Some gifts from me to you (i.e. me!):

·      I’ve carefully budgeted your top-up payment from work to cover a few essentials:

o   Ivan is taking parental leave for the entire first month! 

o   You will not cancel your monthly cleaning lady during leave

o   Kassiah still has a drop-in spot at her dayhome – use it!

o   I made and froze a few meals for you to pop in the oven when you’re having a bad day.  When they run out, order pizza!

I hope all these tips and tricks are enough to keep you afloat until life feels a bit more manageable again.  That day will be here soon, I promise!