Maternal Instincts

I’m the type of girl who has wanted a baby since I was a baby myself.  My aunts and uncles will attest to the fact that I used to (and some would argue still do) take great pride in herding (a.k.a. bossing) my little cousins around like a mother hen, even though I’m just a few years older than them.  I’ve always been fascinated by and drawn to babies like a magnet.  

Up until now, holding other people’s babies has brought me mixed emotions.  On the one hand, I loved and craved the feeling so much.  But on the other hand, my infinite biological urge for baby affection was crushed each time I had to hand a mommy her baby back.  I logically knew my time would eventually arrive to have my very own baby…but it always felt like it couldn’t come soon enough.

If you don’t believe me yet – let me illustrate just how strong this maternal instinct was.  While most 12 year old girls were busy dreaming about boys or make-up, or whatever it is ‘real’ girls think about, something else was keeping me up at night.  I vividly remember pretending to deliver my Cabbage Patch doll, ‘Sunrise’ based on whatever traumatic media portrayals of childbirth I had seen.  I would put that poor little doll on my tummy underneath my nightie and after some overdramatized breathing and moans (but quiet enough not to wake up my mom and embarrass myself), out would come this beautiful baby – that happened to look nothing like me! 

Now, while many women reading this can totally relate to these maternal instincts (okay, maybe ‘totally’ is the wrong word, given that birthing a Cabbage Patch is fairly extreme), I realize there are others who have little or no urge to hold other people’s babies, let alone have their own.  I used to have a really hard time grasping this concept since, for me, it's like trying to imagine not liking chocolate - I just can't relate!  However, after some careful feminist reflection, I’ve realized that it is a wonderful thing for women to feel comfortable enough to share their honest feelings or lack thereof toward motherhood.  I think that, just like most things in life, parental instincts are part of a broad spectrum.  The fact that many women today are choosing to have babies later in life, or not at all, is not something that should concern anyone else.  The point is that they now have the right to choose.  So no matter what end of the spectrum you’re on: whether you have no interest in being around babies; are content in being a good aunt; or are a Cabbage Patch birther, like myself – that’s just the way you are and you shouldn’t be judged for it. 

For the many women in the middle of the spectrum – i.e. having mixed feelings or ambivalence toward motherhood: just remember to try and stay true to yourself while trusting your instincts (maternal or not).  Sometimes our place on a spectrum can change based on age, experience, relationships, and other factors.  I will admit that despite always wanting to be a mom, there was a period of time in high school when I became terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, to the point that I joked about having a friend of mine become a surrogate to bear my children.  So here comes my shameless plug – if a fear of pregnancy and childbirth are factors in your decision about if or when to become a mom…then please keep reading my blog.  I have learned that both processes can be beautiful and natural experiences, depending on your mind frame and the support you receive.